Abusive Relationships/husband


I have been married for almost 16 years.  When we first got together my husband drank and was extremely abusive both physically and mentally. He would hit me, punch me, kick me, and lock me in the cellar or out on the porch nude in the winter and throw water on me. It stopped for awhile and a few years ago it started again.  I had him arrested and he only did two days in jail. He promised me he would start marriage counseling and go see a doctor and get prescribed meds to help him out. He never did the counseling and complained about all the side efects from the meds.  So he stopped the meds. Last year I became suspicious that he was doing cocaine and for three months he lied and said he wasnt until i discovered the truth.  I told him i was leaving him and he said he would stop. We moved in with his parents to help them out...his dad has cancer. I thought things would get better. well they havent... i have discovered that not only is he still doing cocaine but he is also heavily into opiates... I questioned him about it and he got angry and told me he wasnt doing these things and smacked me upside the head, but when i went down to clean the cellar I found all of the evidence that he was.. I want out...I want to leave but I am scared.  He tells me "til death do us part" is the only way your leaving me and then he tells me i can go but the kids are staying... He then tells the kids that they dont have to listen to me... when he sees that I am serious he starts crying and says that he doesnt mean to do it...I however am smart enough to know now that its all bull...I think its some kind of game he plays to manipulate me into feeling bad for him so i wont leave. I do feel bad because he is dealing with his fathers sickness but its no excuse for him hitting me and lieing to me and doing drugs. Or what he has done to me over the last 15 yrs.  I have my mind set on leaving him but i dont know where to begin. I am scared that he will do something stupid. please any advice?

Hi Maurita,

Thank you for writing and asking these very good questions. I am so sorry that you and your kids are experiencing such abuse and sounds like deciding to leave and build an "abuse-free" life is a good decision. As you know, being around and living with abuse affects your health and well-being and will continue to do so until you are free from such abuse. Living with abuse affects your kids as well.

I would urge you to contact a domestic violence organization close to you--here is a website of places in the state of Maine. http://www.maine.gov/dhhs/phone1.htm or call the clerk’s office at your county courthouse and ask for phone numbers of ones close to you.

These organizations understand what you are going through and can provide you with lots of information and resources to help you move forward. Please call and let them help you create a "safety plan" to help protect you and your kids especially with threats of harm and taking your kids away from you. Many of these organizations have attorneys on staff and may be able to help you with legal issues as well.

Planning wisely will create the safety plan that you are looking for. But in any event, if he tries to harm you in any way, please call the police and you may have to file a protection order as well. These organizations can help you with these options as well at no charge and help you deal with the emotional issues such as his father having cancer.

Thank you for writing and please call one of these organizations to help you out and keep asking questions as you move forward. You and your kids deserve to live life with love and happiness and live with peace and you have the power to make that happen!

Much peace to you,

Coach Cathy,
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach, Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education

Abusive Relationships

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Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abuse & Domestic Violence


Are you unsure if you are living in an abusive relationship? Are you feeling confused, angry or hurt and don't know what to do? I can help you determine if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship and provide suggestions on how to create a plan for your happiness, health and well-being! Please ask questions to find out answers today! Everyone deserves to live life with happiness and joy, and I am here to help you. Are you ready to find out how you can live a better and happier life? If you are, please ask your questions today!! Asking and finding the answers you are looking for is the first step to improve you joy and happiness!


I am a Certified Life Coach Specializing in Prevention and Education of Domestic Abuse and Violence.

•SPARCC (Safe Place And Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •CAT (Sarasota Violence Prevention Community Action Team) •Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Please visit my webpage for more information and articles about abusive relationships and domestic violence at www.LifeCoachCathy.com or www.DomesticViolence-Education.com. I am here with you, while you find answers that help you!

•B.S. from Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA •Core Competency Course from the Shelter for Abused Women and Children, Naples, FL •Life Coach Training from Changepoint Coaching & Consulting Association •Advanced Training from The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology •Sexual Violence Core Training from Florida Council Against Sexual Violence •High Risk Domestic Violence Training by Lundy Bancroft and Sarasota Police Dept, FL •Court Assistance Training from SPARCC (Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center, Sarasota, FL •Principles of Prevention by The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

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