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Abusive Relationships/Silent treatment - what do I do


I am a newlywed.  We are both on second marriage.  He was married for 30 years and is now coming into my home with 2 teen age boys.  He seems to always get frustrated at the boys and accuses me of not being a good mother.  When he gets mad he pulls the silent treatment card.  Before we were married he would do this, but I did not equate it to abuse... Now we are seeing a counselor to work through our feelings...he does not like to express his...things have been going really well, bu the other night we had a disagreement over something my son did (was minor) and he flew off the handle at me...he left the house and did not come back til the next afternoon.  I have received silent treatment since Friday...I have tried to ask him to talk it out, but he is refusing...he says he will yell if he does...I do not know what to do...

Hi Jac

Silence is a form  of abuse meant to control another, when used in this manner.

Sounds like you are inadvertently hitting triggers that resemble actions or attitudes his previous x wife or mom had or did, and he remains enraged. This is not your fault - he needs counseling to deal with his rage, and he needs it soon.

If not, get out sooner rather than later. Hold your ground and take care of yourself and your children.


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Sonya Snyder


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Was a victim of domestic violence and abuse, and studied to get my MA in forensic psychology to understand the abnormal mind of serial abusers. Much abuse isn't physical, and though it can be the most damaging long term - the emotional abuse is rarely understood nor dealt with by our court and legal systems, leaving victims feeling trapped and unsupported. I will give back to others what I have learned as a successfully surviving and thriving veteran of both family and domestic abuse, so they can get out, heal, and live truly free, too.

BA Journalism, soon-to-be completed MA in Forensic Psychology

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