Abusive Relationships/Abusive relationship

Advertisement


Question
Well I have been with the father of my kids for almost 13 years it truly has never be fine we were separate for about a year during this period I was pregnant with our last kid, he went to chile and had some affairs as well as here in Toronto at the same time he was coming to my house and we had some kind of relationship when I found out the pictures first I confront him he said she was just a friend I had an affair as well when we first got separated but it end up a couple of weeks after I never contact him again. He move back in 3 years ago when the baby was born after that.  My life with him has never been in a happy state but after he came back well I can't call him if he is with his friends or ask where hi is going because I am controlling and a freak I don't know his friends he tells me that I'm selfish if we end up fighting and is always my fault if I want to spend the day as a family his always on the phone checking on things when we fight he always tell me that I'm just a crazy freaking person and that his mum was right and he end up hitting me I don't know what to do

Answer
Hi Marisol,

Thank you for writing and asking for ideas of what to do. Relationships are challenging under the best of circumstances but when abuse happens, then change is necessary. Nobody ever deserves to be hit and protecting yourself so that doesn’t happen again is important to do. I would suggest for you to call your local county courthouse and ask them for phone numbers of the closest women’s organizations who help women that are being abused. They will provide you with resources, counseling and information at no charge. After contacting them, you will have a pretty good idea of what your options are. But the most important issue is creating a safety plan to protect yourself and your children. Here is an online contact as well: http://www.familyservicetoronto.org/programs/vaw/centres.html

His behavior and choice of actions are NOT your fault. Telling you that you are controlling, crazy, selfish and it is your fault are just avenues to hurt you emotionally to end the fight so he doesn’t have to deal with your feelings. Hitting is also an attempt to physically hurt you to silence you. Having affairs also shows NO concern for you or wanting to work together to resolve relationship issues. This is a one sided relationship and it most likely will NEVER change without intervention and counseling. And even with counseling, many people do NOT want to understand the harm they cause their partner and the children and will not change their ways.

If he is unwilling to learn better ways to improve the relationship, then your only option is to leave the relationship to start creating a better and happier life for yourself and the children. You deserve the very best in life and taking the proper steps to make that happen is in your power. Reaching out for local help and support will help you make the right choices for you and your family.

Please keep asking questions as you go along and remember you and your children deserve a life of joy and happiness.

Much peace to you,

Coach Cathy,
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach, Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education  

Abusive Relationships

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abuse & Domestic Violence

Expertise

Are you unsure if you are living in an abusive relationship? Are you feeling confused, angry or hurt and don't know what to do? I can help you determine if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship and provide suggestions on how to create a plan for your happiness, health and well-being! Please ask questions to find out answers today! Everyone deserves to live life with happiness and joy, and I am here to help you. Are you ready to find out how you can live a better and happier life? If you are, please ask your questions today!! Asking and finding the answers you are looking for is the first step to improve you joy and happiness!

Experience

I am a Certified Life Coach Specializing in Prevention and Education of Domestic Abuse and Violence.

Organizations
•SPARCC (Safe Place And Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •CAT (Sarasota Violence Prevention Community Action Team) •Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Publications
Please visit my webpage for more information and articles about abusive relationships and domestic violence at www.LifeCoachCathy.com or www.DomesticViolence-Education.com. I am here with you, while you find answers that help you!

Education/Credentials
•B.S. from Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA •Core Competency Course from the Shelter for Abused Women and Children, Naples, FL •Life Coach Training from Changepoint Coaching & Consulting Association •Advanced Training from The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology •Sexual Violence Core Training from Florida Council Against Sexual Violence •High Risk Domestic Violence Training by Lundy Bancroft and Sarasota Police Dept, FL •Court Assistance Training from SPARCC (Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center, Sarasota, FL •Principles of Prevention by The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Awards and Honors
Expert Writer (Ezine Articles) www.ezinearticles.com

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.