Abusive Relationships/abused ex


My ex wife got involved with an ex con. They met online at a time where our 20 year marriage was at a low point. Of course he knew this and told her all the things she wanted to hear, to be short in the 3 years together she has found out he is a meth addict slamming the drug, Unfortunately she also became addicted to meth. She has tried to leave him 4 times and each time stated he was physically and mentally abusive, unfortunately each time she leaves within 3 days her addiction kicks in and she goes back. I it hurts because she comes to me for help and tells me she misses me but then goes back and becomes evil saying hateful hurt full things to me. Well this last time it got worse for her to the point she tried to commit suicide nearly cutting her arm off if it wasn't for my son who called 911 cause her husband wouldn't she would of died. Again she left for 3 days and went back but this time for only a  week. She called us and we got her out of there its been a week and she hasn't gone back but the horror stories she talked about for the first 3 days talking about him beating her yelling at her pieing on her constant anal abuse to her just ugly stories how he told her no one loves her me her kids her family isolating her from everyone. What I don't get after telling me all this for the first 3 day by the 5th day she went from hating him to again saying he isn't bad making excuses for him this usual happens when she talks to him and she did. She went from having me comfort her for 3 days and nights holding her as she cried and shacked from her depression and apparent drug withdrawals she now is back to no communication saying hurtful things to me after we talked about being friends and being there for our kids. I know its her husband but how much can I take I feel like a doormat I don't know what to do, Don't get me wrong I am not looking to consummate my marriage or get back together we have to establish being friends rebuild what her husband took away from us. What do I do I CAN TELL YOU IF SHE FALLS AGAIN i WILL BE THERE. I know what she needs and that to get help for her depression abuse, sexual, and drugs and we have tried but all we get is she needs to do this her way and threatens if we don't do what she says she will go back to him, She has caused hurt to me , our kids, her family how much do i take or do i move on, Help it hurts watching her die.

Dear Richard,

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Its painful to see a person, whom you loved once tear thier life apart. You need to be strong and resist all temptations to fall prey to her again. As you said, she needs intervention. You are her security when she hits a low point. Because of that, the cycle of emotional and psychological excuse will continue.

What she is going through, the love hate relationship is very common amongst domestic violence relationships. The victim rarely wants to press charges against the one abusing them. The situation is compounded with drugs, especially meth. Children are also victims as they watch thier parents deteriorate. My opinion is to have the Department of Children Services in your area contacted and have them investigate this case. Number one, it opens the door to get her help and number two, it protects the children from further exposure. This is important Richard.

I know this will be very difficult if you decide to do this. Meth is a strong addictive drug that needs to be handled immediately before its too late.

I wish you well and will pray for you and your children.


Abusive Relationships

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




I will help you make an informed decision. Through my scholar and experiential experience, I can try to qualify the answer to almost any question. I have a multitude of resources at my disposal to be disseminated to all those who want to help themselves. I can only provide solutions if you are willing to make an honest effort to help yourself. I can facilitate the response but ultimately you are the answer.


I have been in the civil service field of the law enforcement and judicial system for over 15 years in juvenile and domestic violence ranging from verbal abuse to physical and sexual abuse. I have investigated the cause and effect of abuse from its inception to unfortunate outcomes. My goal is to give you the power to make an informed decision so that it ultimately benefits you and your family.

I have many secular organizations that I am associated with that has enabled me to utilize my knowledge and experience to aid those within those inside and outside the organization.

I have legal publications where my secular work has been noted.

I have a Masters in Criminal Forensic Psychology along with associated certificates involving legal, psychological, and family matters. I have been a mediator in my secular employment and also a hostage negotiator. I have also studied theology and always relate spiritual matters to help people by seeking the scriptures for answers. God is the foundation of any good marriage and I would be remiss if I did not involve him in at least a small area of your concern.

Awards and Honors
I am a decorated officer with commendations relating to field. But my awards and honors that I value is when I am able to help somebody in thier times of need.

Past/Present Clients
All past and current clients are kept confidential.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.