today in college my boyfriend wanted to make out but i was not much interestd..i wanted to go home so i continuously tried to go out of college. he was holding my hand and tried to prevent me from going downstairs. when i was telling a "no" all the time he got angry and said "ok go to home" in anger.so i immediately started walking ddownstairs then he got very angry and gave himself two slaps.by this time i also got very angry on him and started moving very fast..he was then and telling me to stop and when i told him that i hate his violence towards himself he argued a litle and then suddenly holded my throat and pushed me on the staircase.i was shocked and scared felt like crying.
I then couldnt resist it and immediately tried to get rid of him,he was then apologizing a lot. he came with me in the auto and continuosly told that he didnt do it intentionally.i wanted to break up since i am afraid that he will do this in future.but as we are deeply in love with each other so i cant leave him and he is also trying to get me back. so what should i do now..should i breakup or just give him another chance?
ANSWER: Hi Rumi,
You got in touch with me in a crucial time of your life.May be you are surprised I use the word 'crucial'.!
His action seems to me the foundation of many other troubles in the future.I suggest you give a break to this relation for a year and then can consider this relationship.If his love is genuine and heart oriented(not body oriented) then he will wait.
Have a nice day
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: hello Dr. Sunu
I m Rumi here again. By the time u gave me the response i was in college.. so i read ur ans now.. may be its late.
Today in college i hav forgiven my boyfrnd & tried to give him another chance coz it was vry dificult for me to stay without him & be angry for so long.
I didn't mention u the positv points about my relation. So let my share it then u tell me if i hav already done a blunder by forgiving him so soon.
I am in a 2 yr relation, before going to the relation i told him to leave his adictions like smoking & drinking(1 tym in a week-as told by him).. he agreed to that & lied to me that he left smoking & drinking. then i found it after 1month of relation in his chat with his freind. I hate lies so asked for a brk up & then he finaly convinced me tat he will really leave that...then he really left his addictions. Then for 2yrs he treated me quite well. he had filled my life with love and trust that he broke yesterday..
He treats me well bcoz he gives me his time as much as i need. till now never found anythng wrong with his character..he constanty rings me if i m angry, he always pays for the infinite calling minites available in docomo. he used to spend more money on the 1st yr of relatn now he does comparitively less. I have moderate hearing problem, he has always been okay with that, i need an ear operation which i cant do now coz i m studying btech 3rd yr(he also-differnt department). So he has constantly supported me in this health issue.. my mother knows bout our relation , his mother also came to know once but she is not comfortable with the relation. he lost his father at the age of 6 months , he lives with his mother and aunt(mother's sister). He messages my leg if it pains, we make romance 3-8 days in a month... he never hit me before. today also he was regreting a lot. . ...
The things which i m confident is that he loves me,is not cheating on me. things i m not sure is if it will work, if he can make his mother understand or accept our relation.
I will be highly thankful if u answer me here.
Did i do a mistake by trusting him & forgiving him?
I will try to keep him away from touching me ,let me see what he does.. and another thing i made a deal long time back that we will romance for only once in a month,he agreed but its always atlst 3 days in a month or more. so today when i told him that u will take me for eating out in resturant 3 days a month he told me " 1 day romance and 3 day eating out..wah wah..haha". that was a thing which is ofcourse very questioning!!!
I get a better understanding of the situation after your second mail.I wont say you made a mistake in forgivong him.It will help you both very very much to find the genuinity of this relationship if you don't touch each other till marriage.
I suggest no sex till mariage.
You may contact me through firstname.lastname@example.org for further clarity