Abusive Relationships/Domestic Violence

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Question
My husband threw me across the room because we were having an argument and felt that I was in his way and he was trapped in the room. He got arrested and is on a no contact order until the matter is resolve in court. He has never been physically violent before. However, he has anger issues that we have gone to counseling for, childhood trauma and trauma from military deployments he is refusing to deal with,  and when angry he can be very mean and verbally abusive. Could this be a one time thing, can he seek help to deal with his abusive behavior and be successful, and is there any hope to make this a healthy marriage? Should you need more information, please let me know. Thanks, Sandra

Answer
Hi Sandra,

Thank you for asking these very good questions, and I am very sorry that you are experiencing such events. Anger and childhood trauma can certainty affect one’s behavior and belief system but there is NO excuse for physical violence. People as such use verbal abuse and physical attacks to “shut” the other person down or silence them to remain in control so they don’t have to deal with their anger issues. This behavior will continue until that person decides to seek help and change their abusive ways.

Your question of could this be a one time thing and the answer is usually it is not. Escalation is the normal patter with many starting out with verbal abuse, manipulation, and threats then moving up the ladder to physical attacks. All of these behaviors are done to get you to back off so he doesn’t have to change his ways.

Your second question of can he seek help and be successful and the answer is yes if he is ready to change his ways. But unfortunately, change is very, very difficult and most do not complete the counseling sessions which can take at least a year to complete. He has to admit he needs help and seek professional counseling on his own in order for any change to occur. He also has to stop blaming you for his inappropriate and harmful behavior and take full responsibility for his actions.

Your last question of is there hope for a healthy marriage and the answer is unknown until he seeks and completes his counseling sessions. I would suggest that you have NO contact with him for at least 6 months then check back with him to see how he is doing with his counseling program. If he hasn’t gone to counseling, then you have your answer. There will be NO change if he doesn't complete a good counseling program on his own.

Please keep asking questions as you go along and I would suggest that you contact a local women’s group that specializes in abusive relationships and domestic violence for more information and support as you move forward. Even if your husband promises to change, he needs to prove it to you by completing his counseling sessions and never use harmful behavior towards you again. This is not your fault that he behaves in this manner and it is up to him to seek the help that is needed for him to learn new ways to deal with his anger.

You deserve the very best in life and moving forward for a happier and healthier life is the correct path to take for a more peaceful and joyful life.

Much peace to you,

Coach Cathy,
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach, Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education  

Abusive Relationships

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Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abuse & Domestic Violence

Expertise

Are you unsure if you are living in an abusive relationship? Are you feeling confused, angry or hurt and don't know what to do? I can help you determine if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship and provide suggestions on how to create a plan for your happiness, health and well-being! Please ask questions to find out answers today! Everyone deserves to live life with happiness and joy, and I am here to help you. Are you ready to find out how you can live a better and happier life? If you are, please ask your questions today!! Asking and finding the answers you are looking for is the first step to improve you joy and happiness!

Experience

I am a Certified Life Coach Specializing in Prevention and Education of Domestic Abuse and Violence.

Organizations
•SPARCC (Safe Place And Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •CAT (Sarasota Violence Prevention Community Action Team) •Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Publications
Please visit my webpage for more information and articles about abusive relationships and domestic violence at www.LifeCoachCathy.com or www.DomesticViolence-Education.com. I am here with you, while you find answers that help you!

Education/Credentials
•B.S. from Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA •Core Competency Course from the Shelter for Abused Women and Children, Naples, FL •Life Coach Training from Changepoint Coaching & Consulting Association •Advanced Training from The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology •Sexual Violence Core Training from Florida Council Against Sexual Violence •High Risk Domestic Violence Training by Lundy Bancroft and Sarasota Police Dept, FL •Court Assistance Training from SPARCC (Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center, Sarasota, FL •Principles of Prevention by The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Awards and Honors
Expert Writer (Ezine Articles) www.ezinearticles.com

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