Abusive Relationships/Is this abuse??
QUESTION: I am in a situation that I did not have a decent place to live. I heard about this place that helps people so I went there. The man seemed nice-its a nonprofit place. He offered to also get me a volunteer job and housing. It turned out I could not get housing instead I moved in with him temporary but its now 10 months and Im still here. I did not find work either. He has been mentally abusing me for months to the point where I was going to sleep outside. I have turned very unhappy and angry. He does pay my food and gives me some money at some points which is nice. Our boss we got close to also but they are best friends. I did not sleep for months as this man talks about stupid things all night and he get too drunk. Hes older and Im not attracted at all to him but he like me. We also work together part time and hes visually impaired which is a huge stress on me in itself as I have to do all his computer emails and other things. He also made me go to all errands of groceries, to work etc all over town and its on his schedule and he doesnt care about my plans. Hes very possessive about my ex and he cut off two female friends I had- one he called and threatened her with the police- she didnt do a thing shes someone I dont know well. He plays up to my family but they know better they live far away. Hes very stubborn, bullheaded type he has alot of people who dont like him and even our super is stressed by him. At one point I was so depressed I was almost suicidal here and I emailed the boss to tell him and this roomate was abuisng me for days and he did not email or call me, instead he talked to bill and bill blames it all on me, and twisted the info and ron sides with him. Imagine if I had gone through with that?? I was even more hurt after this. I also had bad feet and bill makes me walk for a long time at times doing errands for work- and im in bad pain he doesnt care. A few times hes had fits where he goes nuts and throws everythign around and my things get lost .....hes not done that lately.......Im really stuck ......
ANSWER: Hi Janice,
Thank you for writing and getting more information on your situation, and I am very sorry to hear that you haven’t been able to find a place to stay. Unfortunately, it sounds as if your housing and job situation is NOT working out. Anytime anyone starts mentally abusing and taking advantage of you, it is time to make a change. Even though he has been nice to let you stay in his house and buys food for you, living with abuse can negatively impact your emotional health and well-being like you are experiencing. So, yes, this could be considered abuse.
I would recommend that you contact a local domestic violence shelter to help you with options. Staying in this current situation is NOT going to get better and making other plans may be in your best interest. Here are a couple of websites that may be able to help you--please call today to let them help you:
Please write again with any more questions and creating a “safety plan” to help you move on to a safer environment will help you get where you want to go. You deserve to live life without abuse and finding the right people who can help you with this will help you find a better place to live.
Much peace to you,
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education
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QUESTION: Thanks I was working in my field making great money but this recession has thrown me into this situation. I am not from this city I am from another city 700 miles east that also has no work. My money ran out 2 years ago. I ended up on welfare. If u dont have a job u have to live in strangers rooms here but if u are an immigrant u get a free house. I dont have rights because I am white. Im waiting to return to school in Jan then I may have enough to at least get a ROOM as a room costs 1000 first and last...I presently sent many ads for work from childcare to retail to cleaning there are too many out of work...
Thank you very much for your help... but a shelter would spin me into a worst situation-u can be killed in a shelter and they take 100 a week from your welfare so u never get out of the shelter and i would not be able to work or go to school either.....
The domestic violence shelters may be able to help you with other options until school starts in January--may be worth a call! Protecting yourself from mental abuse is the goal!
Peace to you,
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach, Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education