Abusive Relationships/Controlling?


I am not so sure what this is all about but I met a man last December through work and we clicked right away! He is a fashion photographer/agent and I was one of his models. He fell for me right away and was so inspired and impressed with the person I was. He treated me like gold like I never been treated like. He mentioned that he just got out of a relationship but it sounds rocky to me. He introduced me to a lot of his friends, neighbors and he even invited me to attend to church with him. I never had that type of experiences before.  His friends say he is a nice guy and lovely person. He would ask me out a lot, and worked together on projects. He even offered me a side job as being his personal assistant. I noticed somedays he would change his mind about certain things and get a little depressed on some days. He even broke his guitar on Christmas Day since he was feeling frustrated with the plummer. I remember on day he was trying to go through my iPhone and I acted like I didn't care but the other women at the party noticed and seemed weary about it.  The next day when his phone made a sound when he recieved a text I got up and mentioned it to him and he immediately says,"Please don't look at my phone!" I didn't. When I go out he doesn't really seem to care but everything seemed like it was going well. I kept it professional because I knew he was going through some things with his ex girlfriend and not so sure how he was feeling about me. We never made out or had sex but I spent the night with him on New Years Eve since we went to the same party.
I noticed this past week and a half he has been distant with me and not asking me out as much as before. Not as involved with my projects and us working together. If I do a followup on something he would say, "Great. I am heading to bed. Night." Even at 5 pm. Thought it was odd. Last night he acted odd and says some strange stuff that he already had plans for his bday. I was trying to do something nice for him and I was actually shocked. I asked him what was going on. He says I can't handle the everyday pressure (meaning work stuff. Me being his personal assistant) He was giving me all of these instructions last week and wanted to attend to this event with me and then he changes his mind about everything. He says we are friends and that is it and that he is in a relationship when last week he is trying to move on and forget. It is so strange...very strange to me. I thought we were building a great friendship. He wanted me to go to church with him today but I didn't bother going. I was so mad at his behavior and I wanted to drop some stuff at his place that had to do with work and was heading over there. I was a few blocks away and sent him a message that I was there to drop stuff off. He responds,"Who is this? Is this a private line?" I was kind of confused and told him it was me to drop some stuff off. He goes, "Don't leave stuff at my door without my permission and I am out rest of the month"  Well his car was there but I don't know if he was out in the area which he does a lot. I didn't drop the stuff off and didn't want to piss him over even more. He says,"I will contact you if I need you. Peace" I wanted to be respectful and by saying, Have a great day. He says you too.  Last Thursday he was telling me that he was going to give me an extra pair of keys to his studio.
I am so confused what is happening here. Everything was great and then he flips into a completely different person. WHO IS THIS? He knew it was me! Is he really trying to shut me out of his life or is he trying to control me and have it on his terms? I don't know if he will contact me again or not.
Things seemed to be going well until now. :(


This is a great reason why business and pleasure don't usually mix well. He sounds pretty unstable. He also is sounding like he is trying to put some distance between you to. I would take the hint and keep your distance. If you continue to try to create something that he doesn't want then it can only end poorly.

Doc David


Abusive Relationships

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Dr. David Simonsen


I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.


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B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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