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Abusive Relationships/ there a way out?


Okay so I started dating thisguywho is about 10 years older then me about three months ago, at first everything was fine...well for the first couple weeks anyway. then for no reason at allhe started constantly accusing me of cheating an lieing, however I have never given him reason to think that nore have I ever cheated or lied. ( I would later on find myself having to lie but not up to this point). The situation progressively got worse by the week, after the extreme jealousy set in, and I mean extreme it has gotten to where I am scared to walk into a room that another male is in, in fear that I might make eye contact for one second and then it will be interigation for the whole night. He starts to say bazaar things like,  
"I know that you and my friend Justin secretly know each other and that when he calls me to hang out that he is really trying to occupy me so you will have time to cheat on me..whick is obserd!He has isolated me from all of my friends..saying that I don't want him to go with me to visit my friends, he will don't want me to go because your meeting a man there..but that's absolutely not the truth, and in the beginning I didn't mind at all him going with me, however now I am in constant fear of who will be there, what if there is males, what if I say something wrong etc..etc..I have no time to myself..I have my ownapartment and he has a house, well I have stayed with him every night practically because if I try to stay home he throws a fit, says that I am cheating..etc..etc..He says that I do or say things that I didn't say or do..He tries to make me believe that I am the one at fault, and that if I wasn't such a bitch that we wouldn't fight all the time, I try to explain to him the reason I am so frustrated is because I am having to constantly defend myself against false accusations etc etc..that would tend to leave a person frustrated snd defensive, He wants to have sex constantly, I mean constantly..alot of times to the point where my vagina is red and raw and its so painful I can hardly stand it, but if I do not comply he will accuse me of sleeping with somebody else or throw a fit and badger me over and over again until I give in..then the following day he will accuse the red and raw vagina on me cheating, saying that somebody else did that to me, and he had nothing to do with it, he has showed up at my friends house and demanded I leave wit him an d when I would not he did get physical with me, choking me and showing me that he had a gun in his pants..Him and I were good friends before this relationship started so he knows deep dark secrets of mine that he swore he would never tell, I tried to break up with him and he is emotionally blackmailing me saying he is going to tell these secrets that could ruin my life if they were ever told..on so many levels.he also preys upon my weakness, I am 36 and have a fear of aging, so he will say things like your hair is turning grey, your vagina is loose, I bet you looked as pretty as her when you were her age, but she is beautiful, your vagina stinks, I mean a lot of our sex sessions I am in pain, and I do it anyway to please him, and then he humiliates me by saying some of these things to me.
Nothing is ever his fault..ever...He doesn't seem to have true concern for anyone or anything especially if he is not getting his way, he will tell me how bad my vagina stinks and is stretched out from the last sex session I had, (this is after 3 hours of continuous intercourse, so by then I am sore, humiliated, and not feeling very sexual,  Then he will insist I perform oral sex, which is another violently ramming of my head on his penis gagging until almost the point of vomiting, and one time when he was really mad he smacked me on my butt so hard, it hurt. like a spanking a child would get but way, way harder and cruel.
I do not know how to escape this situation and to top things off, he has me almost convinced that I am the one who is crazy, I question myself , I will say well maybe I did say that and just don't remember, he says you cant remember one day too the next...but I know better, he is gas lighting me..
he truly has me questioning myself...asking myself, now who is wrong I the one who is wrong, but I know better on that as well, if there is a diagnoses or title of a condition that you can suggest that he has, please tell me what your opinion is, not on a medical diagnosis of course, just your opinion. I have to get away from this guy,I have no family and he brings turmoil to any friend who try's to help me, nobody wants to get involved when I try to leave him he says. If you leave I am coming to destroy you, and I will tell your secrets I know, nobody will want you anyway your old and fat, over the hill hag...he is so cruel.. please anything you can tell me, what kind of abuse is this, doe you think he really believed the things he tell me or is he just making them up? how can I escape.what about his threat's, isn't there a law against blackmail. And how can I go about executing it if I have too...I am so sick of having to wa;k on egg shells and live in isolation and misery,, I want peace. I want my life back
I am desperate...please help me.."

and was asked on 12/22/2014

Answer  › …  › Relationships  › Relationship Issues

isn't there a law against blackmail
You should point out that blackmail is illegal, and if they don't stop, you're reporting them to the authorities.  › …  › Marriage  › Marriage Other  

Abusive Relationships

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All/Any questions pertaining to surviving and leaving abusive relationships/Advice on the best option or referral, and support, on Emotional Abuse and Personality Disorders/questions related to your challenging relationships; healty relationships and avoiding abuse.•Physical abuse like hitting, shoving, kicking, biting, or throwing things •Emotional abuse like yelling, name-calling, bullying, embarrassing, keeping you away from your friends, saying you deserve the abuse, or giving gifts to "make up" for the abuse. (Read more about emotional abuse.) •Sexual abuse like forcing you to do something sexual (such as kissing or touching) or doing something sexual when you cannot agree to it (like when you are very drunk).


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