Abusive Relationships/Drug Addiction and Marriage
My husband is a crack addict. We've only been married a year but apparently he's been an addict for 15+ years. He disappears then crashes at his alcoholic mother's house til he comes back and begs for my forgiveness, professes his love and I take him back. he has lost 4 jobs in the last year. I have no income now and have paid all the bills since we met. His family wants me to make him go to rehab. He doesn't want in patient and starts and stops NA meetings, etc. When he's home, he gets angered easily and tells me I'm selfish and a B****. I'm so depressed and know I need to let him go but he wont leave me alone. He left Friday after we argued, I've been ignoring his calls since. how do I get the strength to end this for good. what do I say? Do? he is so good at manipulating and making people feel sorry for him...Have a I failed as a wife? Should I help him...I think I have done enough for a year already by supporting him financially, emotionally...hearing all his past problems. totally focuses on the past ALL THE TIME......
do not tolerate beingh is or no ones' doormat.
When to end a codependent relationship
You find yourself constantly sick to your stomach, walking on eggshells, worrying about the future, crying at red lights, binge eating, and screaming at u for absolutely no reason. You are scattered, forgetful, depressed[time to stop being his doormat.codependent controlling behaviors and addiction go hand in hand.he's not worth ur sanity,its unhealthy and he will not change,its called addiction. When you are in a relationship with an addict it is difficult to avoid being mentally and physically affected. The constant ups and downs of addiction can cause you to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways. Eventually, you might find that you’re placing a lower priority on your own needs, while being preoccupied with the needs of your addicted loved one. This is called codependency, and this unhealthy way of love not only harms your relationships, but your quality of life.
The good news is that you have the power to make a change. Overcoming codependent relationships is possible. And as changes occur, you offer the best possible environment to encourage positive change
Setting healthy boundaries is called tough love. It’s making a stand against addiction and finally saying no to the madness. But there is a reason why it’s called “tough,” and it can be just as hard on the family as it is on the addict. The addict is used to getting what he or she wants. They’ve probably learned to threaten, cry, or throw tantrums until you cave in. When you set clear boundaries, they will eventually learn that tantrums no longer work.Let go.
You can detach from the problems of addiction. Yes, you are in a relationship with an addict, but in order to love him or her, you do not need to stay down in their storm. You can rise above the dark clouds and serve as an example of health and happiness. Not only is it possible, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself and the addict.
Detachment is really about doing what you can to distance yourself from the troubles of addiction. This means walking away from arguments and chaos, and looking for ways to enjoy your time. Start making healthy choices for yourself. At first it might feel like you’re faking it. You might be attempting to enjoy a movie, but you can’t get your mind off of the addict. Eventually, as you keep trying, you will begin to enjoy yourself again.
Change your focus.
When you are in a codependent relationship, your major focus revolves around the addict. You are no longer focusing on yourself. But the only real control you have is over your own actions and behaviors. It’s time to take the microscope off of your addicted loved one and turn in back on you. What do you want? What do you need? Have you stopped taking care of yourself? Make a plan for positive change — your own change — and then start to follow through on that plan.After codependency, what’s next?
As you move in this new direction, you will find yourself growing more and more confident. You may find that you are not so emotionally attached to the addict anymore. You learn to allow him or her to live their own life and face their own consequences. It can help to remember that with each mistake they make, they are one step closer to realizing their need for help.
In the meantime, you are making healthy choices for yourself. You are setting a good example. You are focusing on a positive future (with or without the addict). You are getting strong, and you are no longer part of a codependent relationship.feel free to email or follow up anytime,i am here to help u thru it to the end.You can learn how to let go of the past. Whether you have experienced a break up with someone you cared for deeply, whether death has taken a loved one, whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member, whether you have lost a job. Learn how to move on and let go -- life can be joyful and rewarding again.
First, let's take a look at what people often do in time of loss that actually makes the situation worse, These are some things to avoid...
1. Don't spend too much time or energy mourning what has happened. Let a broken romance or friendship go. Let a lost job become an experience and no more. Even with death, there is a time to mourn, and there is a time to renew and to move on with your own life.
2. Don't over-react to your loss and take any sudden actions without time for careful contemplation. If you are feeling desperately lonely or frightened, don't take actions based on those emotions. Seek support in the short term, and only make significant commitments after you have restored a sense of being centered and confident.
3. Don't spend a lot of time alone. Although you may feel the urge to avoid interacting with your friends and family, it is crucial in a time of loss that you keep up social contacts. Try not to lose the friendships and support network you have built, but if you do find yourself isolated from previous connections, focus all your energy on building new (non-romantic) connections. Although these new connections may eventually provide the path to a new job, new romantic interest, or new best friend, don't hurry that process or abuse your new acquaintances. Let your new casual connections remain casual, and friendly.4. Don't complain about what has happened, and don't listen to your friends' complaints. It is better to focus your thoughts on positive matters. Why spoil your day complaining about a backstabbing ex-friend, ex-lover, or ex-boss. Keep your attention on building a bright future.feel free to rate me if I have helped and do follow up anytime.Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Learn how to feel good about yourself. Live a joyful and stress-free life. Feel better about yourself. Love your life.
Do you feel you are "not good enough," or just not feel good about yourself, and want to feel better about yourself?
Feeling "not good enough" is almost always the result of comparing yourself with some unrealistic ideal. Either you are responding to hostile criticism - probably from someone you are close to, such as a parent - or you are comparing yourself with other people or with your idealized image of what you "should" be.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby
Who are you trying to please? A compulsion to please someone may be unconscious, but stop to consider the question for a moment. If you are trying to please someone who you first met as an adult, ask yourself what power they hold over you, and what is the worst that could happen if you lived your own life instead. Compare the momentary benefit of pleasing them with the lifelong freedom and good feeling of being your own person.Be Your Own Self
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Set your life purpose, establish your values, make your own choices, begin your own projects, allocate your time, energy, money, and emotional commitment as you choose. Don't waste your life by trying to imitate anyone else or by attempting to please everyone.
Focus on Your Inner Beauty
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us or we find it not.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do you feel badly about your body image? True beauty is on the inside. Moreover, even physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone criticizes your physical appearance, spend less time with them, and choose to spend more time with those who appreciate you.
Have No Regrets - Forgive Yourself
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
To feel good about yourself, you must also forgive yourself for everything you have ever done or failed to do. Wipe the slate clean - erase all your regrets. Let today be a new beginning for the rest of your life.
Be Grateful for the Miracle of Being You
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle
If you choose to focus your attention on what you don't have, you will be miserable. If you choose to focus your attention on what you do have, you will be happy and you will feel good about yourself.everything/everyone is not 4ever meant to be.pray this prayer each day
Father, I come to you to pray for this person that is in this abusive relationship. I pray you give this person the means they need to leave and I pray you give this person the strength to leave and not look back. I pray you break the yoke that is binding this person from being able to get away. Father, you know my situation and why this person is laying on my heart so strong. I pray for mountains to be moved in Jesus name. I ask that you give us a calm and peaceful heart and take away the negative things that have come on us from the abuse. I pray that your Holy Spirit will clean our hearts and minds and we will be whole and able to move past this like it never happened. Jesus, I know this is your will because your will is that we age safe and away from strongholds of the devil therefore I am going to walk in this. I am going to make plans and consider myself out of this physically and mentally. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, I am healed and I am on the watch for how you are going to help me.. AMEN -
My Holy Father, I pray for strength and wisdom to leave this abusive relationship I am in. Please show me the way out of this home and teach me how to live a new life. I pray for your will and pray that I can hear your voice to pick me up and leave. I pray that you will put a mate in my life that is a kind, Godly man that wants to serve you and treat me with respect and love. I humbly ask these things ,see that u have self worth my sister! peace be unto and upon u,i want to hear back from u,i am ur personal angel,here in charlotte nc praying and intervention for ur wellbeing. read Jeremiah 29;11 old testament in the bible/ God bless u