Abusive Relationships/Recovering a marriage after abuse
I've been married for 17 years, have two teen boys, and dated my husband since I was 19.
He normally is a wonderful man, and a fantastic father. Nobody would ever imagine that he is abussive. The truth is that during all our relationship he had been jelous, possessive and controlling, to the point that scared me.Regrettably, it took me many years to understand that that was not normal. When I started to realize that he was abussive, he started trying other ways of abuse. He sexually abused me too, and crushed my self-esteem.
I had been in counselling for a year now, and begged him to do counselling with me. He always refused to seek for help, until I sent him the divorce papers.
As soon as he got the papers, he run to a therapist and after came crying, begging for forgiveness. I asked for time and space, but he refuse, as he thinks I will never come back. He accepted all the doing, and promised to continue therapy to be a better husband to me.
He insisted day and night, tried to make me feel guilty, to make me see that I am fortunate of everything I have, the wonderful family, our home, family friends, etc. he says that I'm putting everything in risk, throwing all these years in the garbage. I talked to him so many times! Now we are steel together, he's trying really hard, but the smallest comment, or touch, look or actitute make me go cold. Sex it's a nightmare for me, even if he is trying, I don't feel any type of connection, I feel like I'm not really there...
I really think I love him, but something died in me, and he doesn't understand it, he continue putting pressure, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to destroy our lives, and I enjoy his company, but any closeness or intimacy put me to the edge.
Is there a way out of this?
misery loves company, I pray u move on cause he is controlling and this lifestyle is dangerous and unhealthy,even for ur kids.Love is not fear! don't be a doormat.Why Compromise is NOT the Answer to a Happy Marriage-- When you concede, you give something up. A lifetime of compromise is a lifetime of giving things up. That is not the key to a happy marriage.You get what you want sometimes; if you’re lucky.continue the separation till he really man up.People lose themselves.Compromise gives you a life of concessions. It gives you silver cars, souped-up black mini-vans, and a feeling that your life doesn’t make sense anymore. It gives you a compromised life. It is not the answer. -The answer is love: love for yourself, and love for SO. Loving yourself means wanting a happy and fulfilled life for yourself. Loving SO means wanting SO to have a happy and fulfilled life . Because you can have a happy relationship only when both you and SO are fulfilled. -Not compromising, and acting from a place of love allows each person the space to live their best life. To live their dreams. To remain connected to their hearts. To feel fulfilled. And when each person is fulfilled, the marriage is happier and more fulfilling. It cannot be any other way. -me personally from reading ur post;i wouldn't tolerate him or his behavior,i would free myself for sanity sake.Think of yourself first, often and as much as possible.Isaiah 55:12 – For you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Comfortable being miserable
As odd as it sounds, sometimes we're comfortable being miserable. Oh, I don't mean that we enjoy our misery, but it may be easier to stay in a familiar, bad situation than it is to change.
Change takes courage. Change takes faith.
Most of all, change means venturing into the unknown, and that can be even scarier than where you are now, even if your life is miserable where you are now. The big 'R'
If your life is miserable, you can only start over if you're willing to deal with The Big 'R': responsibility.
It's easy to blame circumstances or other people for your misery. It's always easier to blame everything except yourself.
And maybe you're not to blame. But if you want things to change, you're the one who'll have to take responsibility for making that change happen.
Blame is an easy out. Blaming others and even yourself is counter-productive, though. Blame doesn't get things changed. Taking responsibility to get things changed is what gets things changed. If your life is miserable and all you've been doing is blaming, you need to make a plan to change things. When your life is miserable, you begin to approach your individual "misery threshold." This is very similar to your pain threshold. Maybe you have a very high misery threshold, and you can go for years and years in a rotten situation. Or maybe your misery threshold is much lower, and you're jumping in and out of things all the time, hoping life will get better.
The ideal is probably somewhere inbetween. Pain, even spiritual or emotional pain, is a sign that something is wrong.God will give you the power and courage to make changes, if you ask him. Constructive change requires thought and planning, but you're capable of that, too.ou can do more, be better, and be happier than you've been in the past. But the first step is believing, with God's help, that it's possible.These counterfeits prey on our loneliness and desire to belong, but when all is said and done, they'll leave you feeling emptier and lonelier than before. We should be able to recognize a phony when we see one, and that may be the problem. Deep down, we do know we're being taken, but we continue anyway. What gives?The cure for loneliness is relationships with other people. If you're troubled by shyness, here's help...
I've found, through years of searching, that the lifelong cure, the deeply satisfying cure, is an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. You may reject that, you may run from it, but that's what I've found. I just want you to be as happy as I am.
As you read the Bible and get to know Jesus, you'll discover love, true love, not a substitute. This is the real thing. It's deep and fulfilling. Satisfying. Constant, and eternal.
When you experience Jesus' love, those substitutes for love get tacky in comparison. You'll see them for what they are. Eventually you'll lose interest in them. You'll still experience loneliness from time to time, but you'll know where to go when you do.
Almighty God, I am in such need. I throw myself on Your mercy and ask for Your help and strength in freeing me from this abusive relationship.
I am exhausted and drained and do not know how to escape this vicious cycle. My mind was so overwrought in survival that it took a long time for me to realize I have been abused verbally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
sexually and physically. My self-esteem is at an all time low.
I know that this is not Your will for me. I know that nothing good remains in this relationship. I know that I will need divine strength from above to make my exit.
I recall Jesus said, "But when they persecute you in this city, flee into the next." It is truly time for me to move on and leave behind the terror and fear that keeps me from functioning as a whole person.
Almighty God, I just don't know how to do this. I just have so much anxiety in breaking free and in starting over. I need You to give me a sound mind and a plan of action. I need support and aid from others, and I need to forgive myself for clinging to this relationship for so long.
I implore You, God to set me free.
I implore You, God to help me to plan a safe exit.
I implore You, God to daily guide me.
I implore You, God to give me sanity and peace.
I implore you God to help me financially to relocate and support myself.
Help me, Lord through this transition period and lead me into a land that has promise. Help me, in the name of Christ Jesus, I pray. Amen
feel free to follow up,i am here to help with truth,feel free to rate me,God bless u and peace be unto and upon u forevermore