Abusive Relationships/another question


this is a follow up question from  MY NOW 25 year old daughter.

Good morning
So over the holidays my daughter brought him to both sides of the family, I was very happy to have her and my grandson there but concerned that he was there.  He did do the smart thing and kept his distance from my husband, which was good because He has never once apologized for the stuff he did, and there is no like there.
  Then out of the blue my daughter called last night and asked if we wanted to go to dinner with them!  I was stunned to say the least. We didnít go only because it was nearly 9.00 and frankly I was already in my PJ.  But I am confused on what to do, what to say. I want my daughter and grandson in my life, I donít want him! But of course I always tell myself that I can dislike someone and still act civil around them.  
I guess my question is, if I allow him to come back around is all the stuff Iíve done over the past year wasted? I donít want him to think we are OK now and itís all good.

Hi Amy,
Yes, if you remove the stated boundary, what you have done up to this point is a mute point.  It sounds as though she is trying to be the liaison between you and him/them.  However, the essential ingredient is missing....like you said, he has not apologized, he hasn't done anything to repair the relationship.  This sounds like what your daughter does...sweep things under the carpet.  If he has made no effort to change, there is no change.  

Has he gone to counseling?  Is he working? Is he treating your daughter better?  Has the abuse stopped?  If the answer to those things is no, then there is no change and there is no reason to re-negotiate the boundary.  Your daughter may be setting the stage for the holidays, I don't know.

If you don't want him to think you are OK and it's all good, then tell him that or tell her that and don't act like it is.

I hope your holidays are good.  Thank you so much for writing and if I can be of any further assistance, please contact me again.

Abusive Relationships

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I can answer questions regarding emotional and physical abuse in dating and marriage situations, however I am unable to give legal advice. Having had firsthand experience in an abusive relationship, I understand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we have as we try to make decisions about how to improve our situations. I am also able to address spiritual concerns regarding staying in or leaving these types of situations.


Having been a victim of emotional abuse for many years and having family members who were in violent abuse situations, I have personal experience on many levels. I have since gone on to become a professional counselor and work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Assn., American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at www.livingwellcc.blogspot.com. I also have links and currently written articles on my website at www.livingwellcc.com. You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

Awards and Honors
Board Certified Christian Counselor

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