Abusive Relationships/Everybody Moving On


Hi Sonya, it's Dwayne again. This is probably the last time I'll be contacting you about a certain problem that's been bothering us for years.

It finally happened! Dad decided "enough is enough" and he's gotten rid of Krista. He fired her from the store. Earlier this month when I came home for the weekend, he gave her and her mom heck once again for not answering her phone when he calls as well as coming and going whenever she feels like it. He told her he could come in for the remaining Sundays the remainder of February, but after that, no more.

I can't tell you how much of a great relief this is. It's the best news I've ever received in a long time. After years of her lies, manipulations, turning my own dad against me in playing the victim, playing on other peoples sympathies just for her own selfish personal gain, using and abusing them before tossing them away like they meant nothing, taking advantage of him, she's finally getting what she deserves. Like everyone else in town, dad has finally seen the light. He realizes that he can't save or redeem her. Maybe now he and I can start to fix the damage she caused between us. Both other women he employs in his store can only say "good riddance". So can I and everyone else.

Of course, there is a problem. Dad says he's going to miss her. He says she is such a good little worker. She applied for a job at the other grocery store in town. Dad and I know she probably won't get it (who'd hire her with her reputation?), but he hopes she does. He still feels sorry for her because she never knew her father and blames the way she turned out on her mother, but I know better! I'm worried that he'll be sucked back in and take her back. And then what? She'll go right back to what she did for years.

I'll be coming back home for the weekend this Friday. I need to talk to dad and try to convince him that Krista needs to be removed from our lives altogether. He can't be a father figure to her and allow her to continue doing the things she did for years. After all, I blame her for mom and dad splitting up, him losing the condo he was going to retire to, as well as creating the rift between us. I'm his son, she's not even a blood-relative, just a manipulative gold-digging sociopath.

What can I do? Do you have any suggestions how on I can help dad move on and cast her out of our lives forever?

Hi Dwayne

The more one tries to convince the person in the victim role he needs to see things differently, the more the victim tends to resist.

Show him this web site and show him it after you have read it fully. Ask him to see the characteristics and the template for behavior - and then to compare it to what you all were dealing with, baring any excuses. Sometimes education helps, but THEY have to be willing to see it. It takes time. GO easy and do so in love.

Hope these pages help both you and him:




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Sonya Snyder


All answers pertaining to surviving and leaving abusive relationships


Was a victim of domestic violence and abuse, and studied to get my MA in forensic psychology to understand the abnormal mind of serial abusers. Much abuse isn't physical, and though it can be the most damaging long term - the emotional abuse is rarely understood nor dealt with by our court and legal systems, leaving victims feeling trapped and unsupported. I will give back to others what I have learned as a successfully surviving and thriving veteran of both family and domestic abuse, so they can get out, heal, and live truly free, too.

BA Journalism, soon-to-be completed MA in Forensic Psychology

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