Abusive Relationships/Unhealthy Union


He doesn't like me. I no longer believes he loves me. He doesn't respect me. He disrespects my family. He doesn't treat me as an equal person or voice in the relationship. He's physically abused me. He's called me every profane name under the sun. He's a hypocrite. He's narcissistic and arrogant. I am not valued here. He doesn't believe he's ever betrayed my trust, confidence or has been deceitful. He doesn't accept any responsibility for himself, his actions or his words, or how he contributes to anything negatively, but will accept all the praise and good things. Nothing is ever his fault. As long as he can blame something external and not himself, he takes no accountability. He distorts the truth in an attempt to manipulate me, gaslight me and make me question my own reality. Any issues I bring to him or feelings I express are minimized, trivialized or completely denied and then I'm called delusional.

His family thinks he's this gentle, sweet, loving family man even when they know the abuse I've sustained at his hands and his mouth. I'm blamed for everything and anything. He's a mama's boy and she baby talks him all the time. I often wonder who his woman is, me or his mom. He doesn't think he needs to change cause he thinks I'm the problem and I need to change and then things will be better for us. I can make one or two mistakes and I'm berated and all his negative thoughts and ill will towards me is confirmed. If he continuously makes mistakes, how dare I point out anything about him?! I'm to forgive, let it go or else I'm being petty. He'll ask me do I see me being with him forever and if I am in love with him, tell me how much our son and me are his world, only to turn around the next day and call me names like bitch, cunt or whore if I disagree with him or say something he doesn't like and actually had the nerve to call himself God! I'm the mother of his child and we were engaged, but I haven't worn the ring since it was last taken from me. I don't want it. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and we're only twenty-four having been together for two years. And the kicker, he thinks if he leaves me, it's my loss and I should recognize the man I have because another woman would love all he has to offer as I am not appreciative whereas he feels no man would want me as I have no value or bring anything to a relationship.

I just need advice. I just need someone to tell me I'm not crazy because my sanity is slowly slipping away.

Dear Janine,
Thank you for your question.  If you are asking for advice, my advice would be to ask him if he would go for marriage counseling.  If he will not, then leave.  One person working on the relationship produces next to nothing. You are not a whipping post or a door mat.  If a person in your life does not treat you with respect and honor, they do not deserve THE PRIVILEGE of being in your life.

I would ask you to research the following Personality Disorders:  Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  Individuals with these disorders very seldom seek help and very seldom get better.  They always make their primary partners feel like they are crazy.

I would also recommend a book called People Problems by Alan Godwin.  This book is a good explanation of dealing with people who cannot be reasoned with.   

I wish you all the best as you research these things and make the decisions you need to make.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Abusive Relationships

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I can answer questions regarding emotional and physical abuse in dating and marriage situations, however I am unable to give legal advice. Having had firsthand experience in an abusive relationship, I understand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we have as we try to make decisions about how to improve our situations. I am also able to address spiritual concerns regarding staying in or leaving these types of situations.


Having been a victim of emotional abuse for many years and having family members who were in violent abuse situations, I have personal experience on many levels. I have since gone on to become a professional counselor and work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Assn., American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at www.livingwellcc.blogspot.com. I also have links and currently written articles on my website at www.livingwellcc.com. You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

Awards and Honors
Board Certified Christian Counselor

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