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Abusive Relationships/my 24 year old daughter still


Well its been a while, and tax timed rolled around again and out she went. Moved back in with Mr Loser.
It is 100% breaking my heart that she is still thinking that he will change. So blinded, and for the life of me I donít get it.
I have made it clear that I want nothing to do with him and that he isnt welcome at my home. This has put a huge wedge between us.  But I canít let him back in. She has separated herself from a lot of people including us. And for me to welcoming him back in wouldnít do anything but set me back to the start and I wonít allow that.
Iím at the point where I think itís time for me to find someone to talk to.  I believe in order for me to follow through with this, I need help.  I canít stand not seeing my daughter or my grandson it breaks my heart and I so just want to say FINE he can come over. We forgive him Öbut I just canít I need to be strong for the rest of my family. And in order to do that I need to help.

I am so sorry to hear this and thank you for contacting me.  These kind of relationships are very complicated and depending on what is going on with this guy, they can be very difficult to expose.  It is extremely difficult for the families who have to watch.

Abusers operate within the same set of parameters.  They charm, erode self confidence, separate the victim from their support systems and cause them to become financially and/or emotionally dependent.  The more you try to force them apart, the more the victim tends to cling to the abuser.  

What you have done is to stop enabling the relationship, which often has to happen.  The problem with that is that you have to watch your daughter spiral down with the abuser in hopes that she will come to her senses.  Most victims seem to have to do that, unfortunately.

She must understand that you haven't abandoned her, but that your help only comes when she decides to put him out of her life permanently.  Until then, there is no help.  What that looks like for you, so that you can be sure that decision has been made, I don't and your family have to decide that.

If you can, try to get her into counseling with an abuse counselor.  I don't know why this individual is a loser, but if he is expecting her to support him you might read a book called "The Sociopath Next Door".  It has a profile of an individual like that, which might help you decide how to verbalize your objections to him with her.

If you need help, you might consider counseling with an abuse counselor yourself.  However, they will tell you that you don't have a lot of control over what is happening I would imagine.

Thank you again for writing.  If there is anything further that I can assist you with, please feel free to contact me again.

Abusive Relationships

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I can answer questions regarding emotional and physical abuse in dating and marriage situations, however I am unable to give legal advice. Having had firsthand experience in an abusive relationship, I understand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we have as we try to make decisions about how to improve our situations. I am also able to address spiritual concerns regarding staying in or leaving these types of situations.


Having been a victim of emotional abuse for many years and having family members who were in violent abuse situations, I have personal experience on many levels. I have since gone on to become a professional counselor and work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Assn., American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at I also have links and currently written articles on my website at You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

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Board Certified Christian Counselor

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