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Abusive Relationships/my 24 year old daughter

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Question
Good morning.
I have written several times to you and let me first off thank you. it ALL has been very helpful.
In the past we have talked about my THEN 24 year old daughter, now she 25. She is still with the same man, but things have gotten worse.
While I was out of town this past weekend I received a text from one of her friends saying that he had attacked her. He choked her until she passed out and she woke up with my grandson screaming on her chest to wake up.
I called her as soon as I got the news.  But I didnít know how to react( other than get a baseball bat and beat him) which I didnít do but would 100% love to.
I knew that if I said I knew what happened that she wouldnít call her friend again and confine in her anymore.  So I made the whole conversation on just a check up call seeing what what going on. Letting her know she could use my car while I was gone and the house key was hid where it always was..Just all in a FYI.  But I was so scared and worried. She sounded ok. Said all was good.
I told her we were coming home the next day and asked if she would come over for dinner and she did. (Which that was a big step because she hadnít been talking to me much since I stopped allowing the ďloser boyfriend to come to my house.
I still havenít told her what I know, but I am scared.  Do I tell her what I know? Do I contact the police?
At this point I believe he must of played the SO Sorry card and she fell for it . we all know it will happen again and I just need to know what I can do as the mom and grandma .

Answer
Hi Amy,
If it were me I wouldn't tell her what I know, but I might ask her questions about marks that you see etc.  If he choked her, there has to be a mark on her neck.

You could call the police, but it would be an informational call only.  If she is unwilling to press charges there isn't anything they can do.  Now, if your grandson is being abused, there is a whole bunch that can be done.  If you can prove that she is an unfit mother because she won't leave a dangerous situation and he is being traumatized and/or abused because of it, you could have some leverage there.  She can choose to stay if she wants, but the child has no choice and he is unsafe, the state gets all over that.

Another idea, which she won't like at all, is to become her guardian or the guardian of your grandson and have her declared incompetent.  You would need a lot of evidence for that, but it might be possible.  Doing something like that might wake her up.

This is a very hard situation and I'm so sorry.  

Abusive Relationships

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP

Expertise

I can answer questions regarding emotional and physical abuse in dating and marriage situations, however I am unable to give legal advice. Having had firsthand experience in an abusive relationship, I understand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we have as we try to make decisions about how to improve our situations. I am also able to address spiritual concerns regarding staying in or leaving these types of situations.

Experience

Having been a victim of emotional abuse for many years and having family members who were in violent abuse situations, I have personal experience on many levels. I have since gone on to become a professional counselor and work with abused women.

Organizations
American Mental Health Counselors Assn., American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

Publications
I currently maintain a blog at www.livingwellcc.blogspot.com. I also have links and currently written articles on my website at www.livingwellcc.com. You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Education/Credentials
Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

Awards and Honors
Board Certified Christian Counselor

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