Abusive Relationships/she's back followup

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Bad news Sonya, Krista's back. Since he couldn't find someone to hire who is willing to work in his store nor is he willing to spend the time to train someone, dad asked Krista to come back. I should have known it was too good to be true to think we were finally rid of her once and for all. Now she's back as if nothing happened. Will this nightmare never end?

What really disgusts me is that dad keeps siding with Krista over me his own son. I resent the fact that dad keeps choosing her over his own flesh and blood. This is why mom left him, because she grew tired of him ignoring his own family and burying himself in his work, spending so much time with Krista when he should have spent it with his family was the final straw.

Even today dad refuses to listen to the truth from my own mouth. I can't stand that my own dad has been brainwashed by "Crazy Krista". It seems he is the only person who can't see her for who she truly is: a pathological liar, a gold-digging hussy, and a sociopath. Dad also keeps saying she's a good worker yet he can't tell his own son (or any of his kids) how proud he is of him. He obviously values her and his work more than his own family. Sometimes I get so mad I want to say to him, "why don't you just adopt her then!" He should, after all, he treats her more like a member of the family than me!

Even today dad sees me as the bad guy and Krista as the victim. I have told him that I have done nothing wrong and that she manipulated everything to make me the bad guy, but dad is so stubborn he refuses to listen. As long as crazy Krista is in the picture, dad and I will never be able to have a normal father and son relationship. What can I do?

ANSWER: Dwayne,

From what you have written, your dad has always been willing to be beguiled by others and has chosen this for himself. He has to be willing to be fooled, since you've told him.

You could show him www.lovefraud.com about sociopaths, and that 1 in 16 people are sociopaths and most are frauds and con men, leaching everything they can from a trusting owner, but it probably wont help. You should read it however, so you have info and understanding about this condition.

What are you trying to save? If he refuses to see what you've shown him, it may be time to walk away. If I were you, I would seek your own path and get another job elsewhere. Start a new business or get employed with others where you can excel outside of the family business.

Because if you are right, the family business won't be worth much after she has her way. Many people do not have a family business, and build their own. No need to waste more time where you are so unhappy.

First, privately consult a successful corporate lawyer about your rights in this family business before doing anything. You may be able to affect legal change. Find out before you act or leave.

Second, begin counseling with a good mental health adviser who has experience in fraud and embezzlement, and betrayal as family issues to work out. Your viewpoint is affected by your pain at the betrayal, and you need to heal and learn from this without hardening your heart, as well.  

Keep me posted as to your findings and decisions!







---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I don't work in the same store as dad does, nor do I live in the same town. I recently applied for a job in a restaurant that a friend of my parents is opening in the city where I live. Also, I have read the lovefraud site many times and even did a lot of reading over the years on abusive relationships in books and online. So I am well educated on the subject. I have also been in counseling for depression which has affected me for the last few months.

In fact, this whole business with Krista has really left me with feelings of great betrayal and trust issues. Imagine treating someone with nothing short of kindness and compassion and she repays you by spitting in your face (though not literally). What kind of person would do that? Any other person would have been grateful to have me for a friend? How will I ever be able to trust again and find happiness with someone special?

Answer
Dwayne,

why are you giving Krista such power over your life and future? The only person she has taught you to distrust is her and your dad! If you lay that template over everyone, you have let her win.

You did good - gave good and were honest and true. Continue to be, those things are never wrong. But do not put yourself in harm's way with those who have shown they cannot be trusted, and who have betrayed you again, either.

Two mottos:

"When people show you who they are believe them" and stop wishing things were different. They are not. They are what they are. See this, and move on.

and

"YOU are responsible for everything YOU think, say and do. YOU are NOT responsible for what others think say or do."  Beyond doing right and good as much as possible, work on YOUR being the best YOU there is. Never let others bad behavior make you less of who you are. This gives them more power over you than even they could do by themselves, and it is foolish.  

Abusive Relationships

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Sonya Snyder

Expertise

All answers pertaining to surviving and leaving abusive relationships

Experience

Was a victim of domestic violence and abuse, and studied to get my MA in forensic psychology to understand the abnormal mind of serial abusers. Much abuse isn't physical, and though it can be the most damaging long term - the emotional abuse is rarely understood nor dealt with by our court and legal systems, leaving victims feeling trapped and unsupported. I will give back to others what I have learned as a successfully surviving and thriving veteran of both family and domestic abuse, so they can get out, heal, and live truly free, too.

Education/Credentials
BA Journalism, soon-to-be completed MA in Forensic Psychology

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.