You are here:

Abusive Relationships/I'm depressed, lost, I don't know whether i want to divorce or not, and If i want to divorce, I think Im not strong enough to get up and leave

Advertisement


Question
This has been bothering me for quite a long time. I'm 24, and been married for almost 3 years now. There are lots of things I don't like, I don't know what to start with.
1. When i got married I was quite heavy, 110 kg, I have lost 42 Kg since, I'm still trying to keep up with my diet so that i lose more, but it's like i can't concentrate anymore. My husband tells me almost every day how ugly i am and other stuff like that. I don't consider myself ugly, neither do other people, most people i know and meet, compliment me really often, strangers pay attention to me in the street, but still, hearing that from my husband (the only person i care to like me) hurts me very much. If i was so ugly, why would he marry me in the first place?
2. My husband likes getting high very much, he does it pretty much every time he gets an opportunity. In our country it's quite hard to get cannabis, but somehow he and his friends manage to do that daily. That's another thing that concerns me, because every day he's either not home, or high, or drunk, which makes him absent for me, it's like i'm fighting with OUR problems by myself. It feels like im married but the loneliest person in the world.
3. Sometimes i feel like he bullies me, like he gets satisfaction from making me nervous, or angry, or humuliated...
4. He lost his job almost a year ago, since then he's been a lounger. all he does is hang out with his friends and smoke.
5. My mom's sick, she got a couple surgeries during a year, she's fighting cancer. I think my husband has to be there for me when i'm nervous about things like that, when i cry, when i need him by my side. he's never there.
and there's a lot of other things that make me not happy.
2: So,lately Ive been thinking a lot about getting divorced.Its like,i know that if I want my life to change,to get better I have to get away from him but i guess I dont have enough will powe.Also,once in a while,once a month or so,when he finds some time for me,hes really nice,and then I dont want to take a step away from him. I don't have anyone to give me any advise what to do.
Sometimes I even think if this kind of relationship is normal and if this kind of problems appear in any family.

Answer
Sophie,
I want to suggest to you that this isn't even actually a marriage. It seems more like a strange roommate situation. My suggestion is that you move to your mom's and help her if you are able. Let your husband know that if he wants to work on your marriage you can be found at your mom's or another relative. In the meantime, DON'T get pregnant. It would be unfair to bring a child into this situation.

David

Abusive Relationships

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.

Experience

I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!

Organizations
AAMFT;AACC

Education/Credentials
B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.