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Abusive Relationships/Disgruntled ex employee/friend out to get me


I have found myself in a very sticky situation with an ex employee, and somebody who was at one point my friend. Last summer we worked together as seasonal employees and we made a great team. We always got things done, and a nice friendship developed between us. Unfortunately however, he did not  maintain that work ethic with the rest of the employees, and also had a terrible relationship with our supervisor. Eventually, he made too many mistakes on his own and was terminated by our supervisor. Meanwhile, I was promoted to assistant supervisor. I told him if he got his act together I would do  my best to bring him back this summer. Unfortunately though, he was so upset about his termination but he proceeded to dig his own grave by sending nasty emails to my supervisor throughout the winter season. It got so out of control, that my boyfriend also asked that I stop being friends with him because his behavior was getting out of control. I put an end to our friendship, and told him that he needed to let go of the past and move forward or he's going to ruin any chance of even getting a reference from this job. I was forced to see him multiple times throughout the winter and spring, as he would often come to my place of work and I would be forced to interact with him.  I kept it friendly and professional, mostly because I knew he would be trying to come back to work and I didn't want any hard or negative feelings between us if that were to happen (The employer has a bad history of giving seasonal employees a second chance).  Once it came time to schedule interviews for the summer, he damaged his reputation so bad that they weren't even willing to consider giving him an interview. When he asked me if you was going to get the job again, I politely explained that due to all of the aggressive emails throughout the winter he was not going to get an interview or be allowed to come back to work.  He seem to take the news OK, but then sent my supervisor two emails  throwing me under the bus for things that I had said or done over a year ago before he was terminated and before my promotion. He also lied about numerous conversations and even altered text messages and emails to use against me. Luckily, he has damaged his reputation so much that my supervisor didn't think much about it. But now, he is threatening my personal life by calling me, texting me, and threatening to tell lies to try and ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know what to do… I have since left that job for another job, and I'm still being harassed by him. I have blocked him on social media, blocked him from my phone and text, and I'm still concerned about him trying to sabotage my life and possibly my new job. Is there anything I can do about this?

Hi Jenna,
Thank you for your question.  I am so sorry that you find yourself in this kind of situation.  They are annoying to say the least and can be scary.

Let me preface my answer with something that could be good for you to consider in the future.  It is never, ever wise to have a supervisory relationship with a friend, whether you are the friend or they are.  What you enter in to is something called "dual relationship".  In my profession there are ethical rules about it and it is very frowned on.  A dual relationship is one where you have two relationships going on simultaneously, such as a a co-worker and being a friend, a friend and a boss or you are the child and your parent has a supervisory position with you.  In my case it would be being their counselor and having a business relationship or a friendship with them.  These types of relationships ALWAYS have problems....ALWAYS.  It is because the people in them don't know who they are relating to.  If your friend is your boss, you might be relating to them as a friend first...when they have to correct you you get offended because your friend has treated you this way.  In not bringing him back, the company actually did you a favor in keeping you out of a very troublesome situation at work.

Now, secondly, this person has some kind of a mental health issue.  Normal, rational people don't display this kind of behavior.  I'm not sure what kind of stalking laws you have in your state, but you might want to check with your local police department to see if charges can be filed against him for stalking or at least verbal assault.  Show them your emails and texts and if you can get copies of the communications he directed toward your previous boss, that might be good too.

In lieu of all that, have a very frank conversation with your boyfriend and talk about what might be said.  Help reassure him that this man is unstable and nothing that he says is truth.  Let your new job know about this too.  Head him off at the pass, so to speak.  You are correct in blocking all the ways he can access you, well done!  

I hope this all works out for you in the end.  It is a very disturbing situation to be in.  Just don't put yourself in another dual realtionship if you can help it.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Abusive Relationships

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I can answer questions regarding emotional and physical abuse in dating and marriage situations, however I am unable to give legal advice. Having had firsthand experience in an abusive relationship, I understand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we have as we try to make decisions about how to improve our situations. I am also able to address spiritual concerns regarding staying in or leaving these types of situations.


Having been a victim of emotional abuse for many years and having family members who were in violent abuse situations, I have personal experience on many levels. I have since gone on to become a professional counselor and work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Assn., American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at I also have links and currently written articles on my website at You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

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Board Certified Christian Counselor

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