Abusive Relationships/Mistress

Advertisement


Question
I have been this guy's mistress for about 5 years, he takes care if needed and pays all my bill and my cost of living, please do not be so quick to judge me, you don't know me or the struggles I have had survive, so please just hear me out, the only job I have ever had is working in the sex industry, as a escort a stripper or phone sex operator since the age of 16, I am 36 now..I met this gentleman about 5 years ago and after out first visit as his escort he decided to get me off back page and take care of me so I wouldn't have to do that job anymore, the agreement was I couldn't have any other boyfriend, which I had no interest in having one at that time anyway, we'll as the years went by I guess he played the roll of boyfriend, however to me it was always about out original ageement,  which was very clear from the begging that it was a financial agreement, that was never a secret, well last year I met a guy that I liked alot and started seeing him, I concealed this from him for a year, as far as the sexual part of our relationship went, when the guy I was seeing and I got serious I shunned away from that part of our relationship , he finally figured out I am seeing somebody , even though I deny it, he knows he has became very jealous  , witch I think is hypocritical considering what he does is just about the same thing If not worse he is married, when. I tell him that he says but my wife doesnt know about you, that is his answer, he expects me to sit there in secrecy never have another relationship or chance at happiness while he goes home to his wife every night, he says he doesn't like being second choice, I said but that's what I was to you all these years, what makes you more important then me I said,
Here is the important part, he is threatening to stop my financial assistance he provides me,
Is that fair is that right?  I have became dependant on him, he enabled me to depend on him now he wants to pull the plug on my income if he doesn't get his way, is that fair for him to pull that double standard shit when he goes home to another woman every night, I don't think it is really any of his business what I do, since is none of mine what he does, I've tried to be nice about this and deal with it the best way I can and tell him he's worrying. About the wrong thing, but his jealousy has increased he just pops up at my house unannounced trying to catch my real boyfriend there,and spices around stalk my house, I really want to tell him that if he keeps pushing me and trying to control me especially when he does the same if not worse and try to pull my income that I will tell his wife myself,  I know that sounds wrong but it's total one way bulk shit what he is doing, how can j make him see he is being unfair and that he can't just leave me high and dry after I have been souly dependant on him for five years, I think he is a control freak and he is scarry and unreasonlable, can anybody help me find the words to say to him, I have searched everyday online for a regular job but I  can find anything I'm qualified for, I wouldn't even know where to begin if I acquired a real job I have never had a real job EVER AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO EVEN BEGIN. Is there anybody out there who can offer there opinion on this, atleast tell me or help me word a way to explain to him that he is being a hypocrate, I don't think  that just because he can't have his way he should cut me off, what does he expect me to do, how am I suppose to survive
Please help me

Answer
this has NOTHING to do with him, and moaning about unfairness will fall on deaf ears; when you signed up for this arrangement, you became his "sex slave", so to speak, because your financial dependency gave him ALL the power in the arrangement, which he is now using; you have 2 choices, either figure out a way to support yourself so he can no longer blackmail you like this, and then stop seeing him forever, or just resign yourself to doin whatever he says as long as he pays the bill; trying to REASON with him as to "reasonable/fair" will get you nowhere...

Abusive Relationships

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Azure

Expertise

can answer all relationship questions involving unhealthy, addictive, or otherwise unhappy arrangements, except those involving the legalities of physical abuse..

Experience

see bio under "general dating questions"

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.