AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.
Experience I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
OK well almost 2 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He moved to D.C. and was pressuring me to move down there once I finished school. I told him I was scared and needed more time to think about my decision and he told me "if I didn't move now, I never would" and that "anyone would be able to do it". However,
over the course of our relationship we argued constantly. He told me I could not talk to my best friend since kindergarden, and when she called me on my birthday, he erased her number ouf of my phone and said that if I talked to her, he would break up with me. he also threatened to break up with me when I was trying to decide my plans for a day because his MBA graduation happened to fall on the same day as my cousins bridal shower (in which I helped planned and I was in the wedding). He told me that if I didn't go to his graduation, he would break up with me because I wasn't putting him as number one.
He frequently put me down. For instance he told me that he could not believe that I was graduating here in a few months. He often told me that I should be with someone who is dumb because he is too smart for me. He also would cuss at me so much and tell me I was just like my "mother" and would refer to her being a bitch. One time I forgot to write a check in that I wrote him and my account bounced, he said he couldn't believe I was a finance major and how stupid could I be. He also called me crazy all the time and forced me to go on medication because I got really depressed because I had lost all my friends and my whole life revolved around him. He told me if I didn't go on medication, he would break up with me cause all I would do was cry. (Remind you, I never was a depressed person ever in my life before him) Now I know that I said stuff wrong when we were arguing at times as well. But it was almost like I had so much built up hurt and I would just sob everytime we would cry.
Every argument we got in, it was always my fault. He never would admit that he was wrong or give a sincere apology. Very rarely did he apologize. He always told me that I started everything and that I was the reason he would cuss at me and get so angry with me. He would never let me talk and allow me to share how I felt, he would always interupt me and tell me to shut the h*ll up.
I knew that this was wrong when I was dating him but I tried so hard to look past it because I loved him so much. I know that no relationship is perfect, but I just felt something wasn't right.
Now I am doing a lot better. We don't talk anymore. However, I am having a hard time knowing that I made the right decision. I feel that I did, but sometimes I think maybe I was too critical about how he acted, and maybe things were my fault. My family and friends all tell me that I made the right decision, but I feel as though they are telling me that because they care about me. That is why I am asking you, to get an outside opinion. What are your thoughts? Thank you.
Answer Jennifer,
If you are describing things accurately it is best you DO NOT get back in to a relationship with this guy. Until you realize that just because you FEEL you love someone you don't need to accept bad behavior you should not date again. Love will not make things work out. Luckily you didn't really have to find that out in this relationship. Move on and figure out why you stayed with this loser for so long. Once you figure that out then it would probably be safe for you to date again.
David
www.help4life.net
