Expert: David Simonsen - 10/17/2007

Question
Hi,I'm 39 and had a relationship with a man who is now aged 52 (where we now have a child. We have been seeing each other for 3 years, the 1st year he was not abusive, but I think with the arguments the only way he saw constructive to shut me up was to smack me in the face. So now he hits me when we have an argument or when things don't go his way.
the arguments stem from the fact he does not work consistently, does not support me or his child, forever saying he is fed up, never has any money except for smoking weed, spends most of his waking life in bed and then mysteriously gets up at night to poss meet his friends to poss get up to illegal activities.

consistently wants to borrow my car,even though he broke the windscreen while I was driving with our baby in the back, he dresses rough and consistently accuses me of seeing other men,tells me he will never leave me, also that he will commit suicide, or leads me to feel that he would do something to me if he couldn't have me. Seems to think about how he feels in situations, he wants to move in as he lives in a hostel, but confesses he loves me, also friends tell he loves me as well, then why won't he change, why wont he support his baby, as he forced me to have her, and why cant he stop hitting me, Mr Simonsen in your experience is there scope for change in him?

Answer
Lex,
He can change, but unfortunately it will only be up to him. Too often women get caught in this trap and they think if they complain or nag then change will happen. Usually the opposite happens. Men get annoyed and tend to do more of the very thing that their woman wants them to stop. If you stay with the abuse then you are the one who needs to change not him. You have a young child to protect. You need to leave the relationship and stop subjecting yourself to this disrespect.
David
www.help4life.net