AboutAzure Expertise can answer all relationship questions involving unhealthy, addictive, or otherwise unhappy arrangements, except those involving the legalities of physical abuse..
Experience see bio under "general dating questions"
Question Hello, I've have been married to my husband for the last 13 years. Before we married, my husband was the most caring man that I’ve ever met until a few months after marriage, when he changed. He became very controlling; everything had to be done his way..No exceptions. He used force to summit me to do what he wanted but he never hit me. I was either too much in love with him or afraid of leaving him that I accepted that life.
For the last 8 years, he's been working as a truck driver and we only see each other on the weekends and for the last year our relationship has changed completely.
I got tired of doing everything his way; we had sex whenever he wanted to do it, if I was on the mood to do it and he wasn't, He wouldn't do it. Anything and everything that he wanted, I had to do it no matter what. Even right after pregnancy, I would go home from the hospital and he would expect me to do all the shores of the house as if nothing had happened.
We have 4 kids because it was his decision, I only wanted 2. They all love his father very much as he is very good with them....but he is used to playing rough an since 3 of them are girls, sometimes they end up crying, but the boy loves playing with him.
For the few moths, we are like 2 complete strangers, he does his things, and I do mine. We don't have any intimacy anymore, we don't kiss.. nothing.
He thinks I'm cheating on him and I think she is cheating on me, but I guess what’s going on is that I don't want to do things his way anymore as when he ask me to have sex with him, I would say no even if I want to and vice versa.
I started drinking just because...I didn't know it was getting out of hand until yesterday when I fell on the floor all drunk on a family reunion, it was very embarrassing.
We have talked about getting a divorce, but he threatens me to take my kids away and take them to his country and that I'll never see them again....also that if he were to see me with someone else that he would do something to the both of us.....
What can I do...? I need Help...
PS although in the whole letter I mention only bad things about my husband...I should also mention that he's very responsible, he works very hard, we don't have financial problems, as I mentioned his kids love him, he behaves VERY good with other people to the point where if I were to tell any of this to our friends, they might not believe me.
Answer the real question is, why is your self-esteem so low that you chose to live like this for so long?..this is your LIFE, and it's quickly passing you by; you have no marriage, no real relationship; what's left is an abusive, unhealthy arrangement that will only change when you CHANGE it; the advice: get a good attorney (even try legal aid if you have no money), and get the ball rolling on the divorce; tell him/her about his threats, which will make it extremely difficult for him to get the kids; he's gone all week, making it easy for you to leave; with threats of violence, a restraining order could perhaps be gotten as well; work with the attorney so you become totally prepared while your husband isn't; if you're not ready/willing/able to proceed in this manner, what remains is a difficult life of quiet desperation..
