Question My girlfriend is silently abusing me; i think it is about the abortion which occurred 2years ago.. I lost my temper with her 2years ago and pushed her & grabbed her which led to her hitting her hitting the door latch and gashing under her chin.. later she had stitches. this led to her having a scan & when she was asked by the doctor if she was pregnant she said no! so of course she left me and went back home to her mums house. There she fount out she was pregnant and was told that after the scan the baby is damaged and her and her mother decided for an abortion. I was devastated after finding out & not being involved or there. After this i knew that my emotions are taking control and is throwing away the one i love and has led to killing our child, I have read some of your articles and can see some of the Emotional & verbal abuse that i have done... when i try to start a conversation or discussion about the abortion..but! i donīt like some of her answers because they are silent answers... or i get "I donīt know" i am not happy about this and i feel rejected, un-appreciated and guilty that i have done this to her..and this gets my emotions to boil like a kettle... i donīt hit ..but i do say horrible things that at the time after i say it i realize when i see her cry or not say anything... and my mind tells me "Ohhh SHIT you have done it now she is going to leave you"...Then i stupidly say out-loud to her abusively "OOH now you are gonna leave me isn.t it" I am not surprise that she is no-longer living with me...but i know that i need to murder the enemy inside.. and not be a COWARD letting my emotions run-away with me...but! NOW we and her still talk on messenger she doesnīt want to talk to me on the phone or she will cry. Yes! she has experienced Silent abuse from her mother in her past.. but! I have a tendency to be vocal & direct and she says i shout and Intimidate her sometimes with my directness in approach. i have tried to work this out not to be COWARD and BULLY ..just because i donīt get my own way all the time..I think also my impatience with her healing after the abuse and abortion is not nurturing her enough I donīt want to be this way anymore? and we do have love for each other? the question now is can we Live together? and re-build the TRUST as we want to be with each other but we have fear ..I think hers is bigger than mine? because she has shown strength but have suffered with abuse from me. What should she do? and what should i do? what about us? we would like to know?
Thanks
Kind Regards
(is it true educated men are the worse for emotional & verbal abuse?
Answer Dear Thierry
You need anger counseling NOW. You are so confused and angry about everything in your life you need help! I am surprized she is talking to you at all. She needs counseling from a battered spouse specialist and hopefully you two can have some ground rules and boundaries how you treat each other. You need to quit talking about the abortion. It is done and all you are doing is dragging her through that pain again and again. Until you get therapy for the rage inside of you, you can forget ever having a relationship.
