Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 1/4/2007

Question
I have been in an abusive, controlling relationship with a man for nearly 4 years.  It's been a cycle of rages, leaving and coming back, from the beginning.  He has been living, free of charge with me the whole time.  He's been gone now for 3 days with no communication.  A lot of his belongings are still at my home, so I know there will be communication at some point.  I need to have this over, once and for all.  I still love him but I know it will never work.  I know this takes time.  I don't want to fall back into the trap.  How can I be strong and get over this?

Answer
Dear Debora

You have to start believing that you deserve better than this and quit falling in love with people that treat you badly. I suspect that they treat you the way that you treat yourself. It is the universe's way of showing you a mirror of yourself. You need to put his stuff in bags and put it on the front porch, or whatever. The first step is to draw a boundary and then enforce it. You need to get out of this abusive relationship.