AboutAzure Expertise can answer all relationship questions involving unhealthy, addictive, or otherwise unhappy arrangements, except those involving the legalities of physical abuse..
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I have been married for 5 months and am unhappy about 75% of the time. I know they say the first year of marriage is the toughest, but I think this marriage is heading for divorce. Almost every weekend since we've been married, my husband has been drinking. It starts Friday after work and ends Sunday evening. I never see him bring home the alcohol and I never see him drink it. However, I do find the empty bottles under our bar in the basement. Always hard liquor... vodka, whiskey etc. He can finish off a bottle a night. While I knew he liked to have some drinks before we were married, I never saw it to this extent. I know instantly when he has been drinking through his behavior and mannerisms. It is truly disgusting and repulsive. I am not attracted to him when he is in this state. I've sat him down several times now and tried to explain that he hurts me emotionally by being drunk. It's like being married to two different men... the one I come home to during the week and the drunk that I see on the weekends. I do love the man I come home to during the week. When I try to talk to him about this, he never has any comment. He'll go to bed, wake up the next morning, and act like nothing is wrong. I overhead a conversation he had with his father (who I also believe has a drinking problem) saying that I'm asking, "the wrong person to give up the wrong thing." I don't feel there is anything I can do to help him with this addiction. I recently found out that he was sentenced to 8 months of alcoholics anonymous for a DUI before he ever met me. He considers AA a joke. When I tell him I feel like I don't matter anymore, he goes on and on about how he took a $30K paycut to remain as a direct employee at his job as opposed to being a contractor so that he could stay and be with me (even with this paycut, he has a pretty extravagent income). I feel like I come second to his money and alcohol. I'm at my wits end and think my only option at this point is to leave him. I'd like to get your opinion as a 3rd party point of view. Thank you for your help.
Lisa
Answer aside from living a life of quiet desperation, you only option is to INFORM him that the current situation is no longer acceptable, and either he gets IMMEDIATE help for the drinking issue, or you'll be seeing an attorney to begin divorce proceedings..don't waste any more time living like this..
