AboutAzure Expertise can answer all relationship questions involving unhealthy, addictive, or otherwise unhappy arrangements, except those involving the legalities of physical abuse..
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Question I'm 19 and I go to college in Mass. I've dealt with an abusive father my whole life. I'm not so worried about myself because I dont live with him anymore, but I'm afraid for my mother. She doesnt think the relationship is abusive and she makes excuses for him. She recently told me he's been getting physical. He got physical (pushed me around, held me so that I couldnt move, etc) and the police were called and I got a restraining order on him for a year. My mom has been married to him for over 20 years, so shes very much... well, "brainwashed"... she says she knows she knows she shouldnt be in this situation and has talked about moving out many times, but shes never done it. I dont know what to do to help her. I realize that she has to "want the help", and I know she does, but I think shes just afraid. He is what shes used to, and shed rather be with him than be alone. I dont know what to do about it... I also have 3 little brothers that live with my parents, so I'm worried about the impact on them too. Something needs to happen, I just dont know what.
Answer tough question; guess it depends on how "heavy" you want to get; i don't know specifically how you've approached her so far, but perhaps you could try the "guilt trip" approach, where you tell her what this is doing to you emotionally, and what the other kids will have to live with; if she can't do it for herself, perhaps she might consider it for her family; if that's already failed, you might try a group approach, where concerned friends/family map out a plan for her as to how/when to leave, where to go, etc; and present it to her as a group; the next approach would be to get her to go to counseling; the last resort would be to get the dept social services involved, where you disclose to them the history of abuse involved, and they advise accordingly or intervene more directly; otherwise, as you're learning, you can bring the horse to water--it's another thing getting to to drink..
