Expert: Azure - 5/12/2005

Question
I HAVE SPENT 5 YEARS WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHO I STILL ADORE BUT I LEFT HIM 1 YEAR AGO BECAUSE OF MOM AND HIM NEVER AGREE AND HE IS JEALOUS.
HE NEVER LET ME GO OUT FROM THE HOUSE BEFORE ASKING HIS PERMISSION AND HE USED TO MAKE ME DO THINGS I DON T WANT SOMETIMES.
MY MOM REFUSED PERMANENTELY HIS PROPOSAL TO ENGAGE ME AND SHE KEPT ON REFUSING AND THAT CREATED PROBLEMS BETWEEN US.
HE MADE ME ONE TIME SEE A DEAD BODY OF AN OLD FAR RELATIVE OF HIS WHEN I DIDN T WANT TO SO HE GRABBED ME BY THE HAND AND MADE ME GO INSIDE,
HE ONE TIME KEPT ON NAGGING ON ME TO CHANGE THE COLOR OF MY HAIR EVEN WHEN I TOLD HIM I WILL THIS WEEK BUT HE ACCUSED ME OF LYING AND DIDNT STOP NAGGING TILL I DID WHAT HE WANTS.
HE ASKED ME ONE TIME HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE IN THE BANK SO I TOLD HIM AND HE DIDN T BELIEVE ME TILL I WENT AND WITHDRAW MONEY TO SHOW HIM THE RECEIPT UPON HIS REQUEST SO HE WOULD BELIEVE.
ONE TIME AFTER A FIGHT HE KICKED ME ON MY FOOT AND GRABBED ME ON MY HAND BECAUSE I WAS NT ANSWERING HIM WHEN HE WAS CALLING ME TO COME TO WHERE HE IS.
BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE HE TAKES ME EVERYWHERE I WANT HE IS TOO CARING AND ROMANTIC LOVING BUT HE IS MOODY STILL I LOVE HIM AND HE BLAMES ME FOR MY MOM BEHAVIOR AND HE WANTS ME TO STAY IN MY BORING TRIVIAL JOB THAT I DON T LIKE AND WANT TO CHANGE BECAUSE HE USED TO SAY IT S GOOD JOB WHEN YOU WILL HAVE CHILDREN.
ANYWAY I WAS GIVING EXAMPLES TO CLARIFY THE PICTURE HE CRIED A LOT WHEN I LEFT HIM AND BEGGED  ME TO STAY WITH HIM AND I DIDNT LISTEN AND NOW I MISS HIM TOO MUCH AND I AM UNHAPPY BECAUSE I SUFFER AND I CAN T GO BACK TO HIM NOW BECAUSE THEY SAY HE IS NO GOOD FOR ME AND HE WOULD HAVE TREATED ME BAD AND PUT ME IN PRISON IF I HAD MARRIED HIM ARE THEY WRIGHT OR HE WAS DOING THAT BECAUSE OF HIS ANGER FROM MY MOM BEHAVIOR AND HIS JEALOUSY WENT UP CAUSE HE COULDD NT ENGAGE ME AND BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS ENCOURAGE HIM EVEN WHEN SHE SAW THE APPARTMENT THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN SHE SAID TO HIM IT IS TOO SMALL.HELP ME PLEASE I AM DEPRESSED AND TIRED FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT IS TRUE  ( I READ SOME ARTICLES ABOUT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS AND HE DOESNT DRINK ALCOHOL AT ALL HE DIDNT CHEAT ON ME OR DISRESPECTED ME INFRONT OF PEOPLE AND HE NEVER THREATENED ME EVEN WHEN I LEFT HIM) I LIVE WITH GUILT I TOOK MANY OPINIONS BUT I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHY DOES HE BEHAVE LIKE THAT PLEASE HELP ME KNOW WHO IS THE ONE WHO IS BAD WITH ME OR MAYBE THEY ARE BOTH SIMILAR IN THEIR BEHAVIOR  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME.


Answer
i don't know him to specifically analyze his motives, but his possessive/controlling ways probably come from insecurities and bad upbringing; but the "why" of his behavior isn't nearly as important as why YOU would even consider being with this kind of guy..a girl with appropriate levels of self-esteem would have gotten away from him a long time ago; you might want to consider counseling to understand/change your needy/dependent tendencies; in the meantime, know you made the right decision, stay away, meet/date new people, stop thinking about it, and get on with your life..