About Dwayne Anderson Expertise I know much about abusive relationships as I have some with members of my family. Come to me if you need assistance with your relationship problems.
Experience Experiencing abusive relationships with family.
Question Dear Mr Anderson
Thanks in advance for reading this.
Last week I ended an 18-month relationship. I'm 22 and he was 24.
He had a bad temper. I could never relax around him, because I knew he could just snap at any second, and the smallest thing could annoy him and make him throw a huge tantrum. It completely baffled me how I could make him so angry when I hadn't done anything wrong. I think he liked to control me and keep me afraid.
Sooner or later he figured out what he could say to really upset me, like the way I was brought up without a decent father figure, or he would go on about certain female celebrities and rub it in my face to make me jealous.
I've had cuts and bruises on my arms and legs and a fat lip. He has tried to smother me with his doona, wrapped a shower curtain around my head, put his hands around my throat, spit on me several times, sprayed me with the hose, thrown my car keys at the side of my head, deliberately broken my handset for my car alarm, broken my sunglasses, thrown my handbag on the ground, pushed me onto the floor or the ground in public, left me out on the street late at night and driven away in his car, called me every name under the sun including "cunt" and "whore", but probably the worst thing he ever did was punch me on the side of my head while we were driving to my house. I had a big sore lump for days.
I used cry a lot at night, then I would have to go to work with a fuzzy head and swollen red eyes.
Every time I told him that I wasn't happy and I wanted to leave, he would cry and beg me to stay, and promise it would never happen again.
Yeah I know, I am a walking cliche.
Eventually I started to stick my fingers down my throat to make myself vomit. I don't know exactly why I did it. Somehow I thought it would make me feel better. After a while I couldn't keep it from him anymore, so I rang him in tears and told him. He yelled and abused me, threatening to tell my parents, and made me feel ten times worse than I already did.
When we had sex it might as well have been rape. I knew right from the beginning that something was a bit off. He was so rough with me, I couldn't believe it, even when I cried and begged him to stop, he didn't care. It was like he was possessed or something. After our first night together I was so sore and bruised all over my body that it hurt to walk. And the whole time he called me a dirty slut and a said things like "You're my favourite whore" and it made me feel degraded and disgusting but he wouldn't stop because it turned him on.
So finally I got all my courage together and took all my stuff out of his house and went home and said I wasn't coming back. At first he thought it was a joke. He kept pretending nothing was wrong.
Then the crying and begging began. I thought he would have to run out of steam sooner or later, but I've been ignoring him for almost 2 weeks and he's not giving up. It is absolutely killing me to hear him so unhappy. I know it's crazy, and I don't want to feel guilty anymore. It's taking over my whole goddamn life.
He is making my life a misery (still). He has made a CD with all the songs that remind him of me, apparently, and left it in my mailbox for me. He has written countless letters telling me the days & times he is seeing an anger management counselor, sent emails, text messages, left voicemail on my cell phone, called me at work, etc. and I have managed to avoid actually speaking to him but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. It's making me completely crazy.
Why the hell is he doing this? He treated me like shit the entire time, and now all of a sudden he's heartbroken because I left him? I don't get it.
The other thing is my "friends". They don't care that I'm depressed, they think I should get over it, and they are too busy hanging out with their boyfriends to spend any time with me. Seriously - I am a third wheel everywhere I go and it's so disheartening. It's even become kind of a joke, like "Wow Ivy you really know how to pick 'em don't you?" and they laugh at me.
I honestly feel like sticking my head in an oven most days. I can't go on like this.
Ivy
Western Australia
Answer love is how you treat those you say you love. if your boyfriend abused you, then he didn't love you. No one should ever be abused.
when people make fun of you, it can really hurt your feelings, and that is emotional abuse. It's not healthy to be abused. And even if you do move on, the memories of the abuse you suffer can never fade, although physical scars can heal, emotional scars can last a lifetime.
in fact, I myself am emotionally abused all the time by my family. my father several times called me a brainless dope. Recently this year, my younger brother called me handicapped and my dad actually agreed with him. last christmas, everyone banded together and called me stinky just because I don't bathe every day like they do(once every two days I do), and my own mother never defended my honor. they've even mocked me and my abilities as a human being. it really makes me mad that they're still carrying on as usual, without any consideration to how it makes me feel. my bitterness towards them is perfectly justified, despite what they keep claiming.
whenever I feel depressed or angry, I talk about it with my friend Tiffany. Tiffany has always been there for me, she understands me, and doesn't devalue me, unlike the family.
my advice is to find someone you can trust, someone who will actually take the time to listen to your words, someone who will not make fun of you like your other friends. talking about your problems with those you can trust is the best solution to saving yourself from more abuse.
