Expert: Azure - 2/8/2006

Question
Hello. I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year and a half now. We've had ups, and we've had downs. Lately though it seems to be all downs. For starters, he is unable to climax with me sexually. I don't understand why. For about a year now, he has constantly downloaded pornography, bought hundreds of dollars worth of pornographic movies, and masterbates a majority of the time. Lately, also he is wrapped up in his electronics such as his XBOX, and brand new television his grandfather purchased for him. He ignores me almost all of the time, except when I don't do what he says, and rarely wants to have sex with me. Recently, I started on a birth control pill, and I've been moody. But that's only for the last week. He's even gotten physical with me. Grabbing me by the wrists, and hitting me with his fists on a leg or other body part. The bruises are getting harder to explain, but I really depend on him for my life. My only parent is an alcoholic, and I need help caring for her. I don't have the money for a live in nurse, nor would my parent permit it. Nursing home is out of the question too. He helps me do a lot of things I couldn't do by myself, and there is no one else. And when I say no one else, I mean no one else. So my questions are, why can't my boyfriend come with me? Why won't he touch me? (I'm very clean and disease free) Why doesn't he pay attention to me anymore? What makes someone who loved you become abusive? Is any of this a sign of him cheating on me? Is there anything I can do to fix our relationship?  

Answer
the only thing to figure out is how to get out of this mess, and away from him; there must be SOMEONE who can help you get free of this co-dependency; i presume counseling isn't feasible??..one thing is for sure--you are heading for an unhappy life of quiet desperation, or worse, unless you can accept the fact you're in a totally destructive, abusive arrangement that needs to stop..