Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 9/16/2007

Question
I have been in a typical abusive relationship for 6 years. (verbally/mentally)...
I am done feeling stuck everyday of my life. Being depressed everytime I see
his name on caller I.D. to seeing him get out of the car. What will go wrong
THIS TIME????
I don't ever have long stretches of time=maybe a week, where I'll feel like
uncoiling from an unhappy, stagnent woman to STARTING to clear out my
chest, and see some light....
As I've been reading, a typical abuser will sweep you off your feet....until
about 3 mths. and then start his cycle of attack.... and I'm sorry. I'm tired of
feeling like this. We don't live together thank god, because it wouldn't work,
and until recently I had more money than him. I don't want my nine year old
daughter to think it's okay for a man to talk/yell at you like he does to
me....and sometimes to her. I looked back at all my emails from the past six
years and it's a joke. Every email from him is putting me down, calling me
names, turning things that he did upside down, as if I did them!
My emails to him keep saying that "I can't take it anymore....my heart is
crying... let's just end this..." He somehow get's me to believe it will be better.
Bottom line, I need to COMPLETELY break up with him. I avoid it because I'm
not strong. I don't have a support system..(he's made sure of that)...He and I
are BOTH prominent in our city. He came over the other night out of the clear
blue sky, while I was sleeping. I let him in and kept saying and crying "I can't
do this anymore"... The next day he emails me to ask if I want to come to his
new condo to help decorate.?? Evading a very important issue.I have only
communicated through emails, and told him we needed to figure out how we
could get through this so we're both okay. And I just said "I've been too hurt,
for too long."
How do I go on with no friends. I work, or lately DON'T work from my home,
so I'm not around people & out of the house.
I know in order for him to "get on" he'll have to go to all lengths so I hear
about him in his business life, or get his smiling photo in one of our local
magazines?????? In other words he'll REALLY SHOW ME!
I take pills for depression and need to find a therapist immediately!
It's like a death. I didn't do anything wrong. Maybe in the ways I've RE-ACTED
to his abuse....
What are the words I need to use, the steps I need to take??? I can't get on
with this thick smoldering sadness inside of me......So I keep doing nothing. I
won't call him to talk unless I know what I want to say is honest and clear.
Please, any advice is going to help me be stronger.
Thanks_

Answer
Dear G

Well, it looks like you need some help enforcing your boundaries. You can tell him that you want him to stop all communication and tell him you will call the police if he contacts you or sets foot on your property. If he shows up, call the police.