Expert: Azure - 11/4/2007

Question
My husband and I have been married for a year.  he has hurt me before, but it has been several months since the last occurrence.  Last night after I got home from seeing a concert with my friends my husband and I got into an argument.  He was basically accusing me of cheating on him, which is ridiculous and he knows it... (this is something he enjoys accusing me of frequently) he called me a liar, to which I retorted that he has no room to call any one a liar on ANY level...

( while we were engaged he was involved in a relationship with a girl from his work.  He lied to me and her for 4 months.  I found out about the relationship when she told me about it... apparently it went on up until the week before our marriage... I found out about her 10 months into our marriage and when I confronted him on it he lied and said that he simply slept with her once and he was sorry.... well 2 weeks,  3 witnesses and four phone bills later he admitted that everything she said was true)

He's been trying very hard to repair the damage because I was literally packed and ready to go... he begged me to give him one more chance and he has been consistent and wonderful... until last night.

he snapped, he spanked me, pulled my hair, pinched me, and manipulated my jaw in a way that it is really sore this morning.  none of it was punching or throwing , but while he was doing this he was telling me that he wanted to rip my f'ing eyes out, and that he was going to f'ing flip if I didn't talk to him....

I stopped arguing with him after he called me a bitch twice.
  I didn't just clam up; I told him that I would not participate in a discussion with someone that was throwing around accusations and insults. After the second "bitch" I told him that I wasn't going to talk to him any more until he could calm down..... this of course made him angrier, which in turn made me less responsive... he was becoming more and more angry, and after a point I was afraid that if I did say anything he would deck me.  Also ... I didn't know what to say to him, he was just being rude and immature.... he was trying to control me with threats , and If I didn't respond the way he wanted, or if I simply didn't respond, he would tell me I was making him crazy. I don't know how to talk to someone like that.  

I'm wondering if their is a correct way to handle someone with an explosive personality like that.  If I'm quiet, he gets himself to the point of absolute infuriation, if I respond he begins to build himself into a rage....being completely still and silent feels good to me, like I have control of some part of an uncontrollable argument/situation.   

How can I handle this man and his mood swings


Answer
the "way" is to leave the jerk, and consider filing assault charges; this is abuse on many levels--the man is a controlling, insecure sociopath, and unless you're totally dependent/needy, you won't allow this behavior to take place, even once; what happens next time (and there WILL BE a "next time"), a black eye or broken jaw?...the advice: INFORM him it's over unless he agrees to begin couples counseling STAT, or prepare yourself for a life of fear, or worse..