Expert: Azure - 4/26/2006

Question
I know this is probably odd that I am posting this question under the marriage subtitle, but my question is related to abusive behaviour in what was a very close friendship of three years, that I recently ended. I look back at a lot of the ways that this person treated me, and I feel that a lot of these things were signs of an abuse. Specific instances include giving me the silent treatment a lot, with cycles of normalcy. I have become so emotionally drained.. It wasnt until this year that I was able to really just end the relationship- after this person gave me the silent treatment again for another very long 3 weeks. A lot of times, if not most it was over small things- sometimes I wasnt even sure what the anger was about. Now that I have ended the friendship with this person, I am glad.., however I feel a lot of anger towards this person. Sometimes I feel overhwelmed with emotion. I feel like I was a victim. I feel almost isolated in the way I feel, especially because this person in front of other people is very "friendly". Am I justified to believe this relationship was abusive? Do you have any tips on how I can manage through my grief?

Answer
"abusive" can mean different things to different people; whether how he treated you fits into the technical definition is not very important; you could write him a letter detailing your feelings; otherwise, the best thing to do is rejoice in the fact that you had the strength to leave, realize that without pain there can be no happiness, consider that he probably didn't have the TOOLS to be anything more than he was,  and refocus on the future, having learned valuable lessons about what your REQUIREMENTS will be in the next relationshp;