Expert: Azure - 6/13/2006

Question
i have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. we broke up in april for 4 days. i took him back because he said he would change. and he has changed. mostly. there are things he'll say when he gets mad at me that hurt me, and he knows will hurt me. and there are things that he will do because he knows they will hurt me. there are alot of other "warning signs" that he does. he has a problem with lying. and he likes getting HIS way. he also wants me to do things for him. like... not talk to someone that he doesnt like. he will also yell at me or lie to get his way. i know this is an abusive relationship and i told him that too. he wants me to make it better. so now im asking you... what can i do to make this unhealthy relationship healthy? he says he wants to change... so can i make him change?  

Answer
can't "make" him change; he has to not only WANT to, but has to actually DO it; if necessary, he should seek counseling if he can't do it alone; your role would be to INFORM him of what your REQUIREMENTS are (like RESPECT) for how you're treated in a relationship; if he doesn't meet them, initiate consequences from not talking to him, not seeing him, etc, all the way up to stopping the whole thing until he shows actual compliance or enters counseling; but be forewarned, quite possible he can't/won't change for the better;then it's up to you to get out before things get even worse..