Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 11/14/2006

Question
My very first relationship.  I'm 16..he is 17.  Absolutely sweet, kind, adorable and makes me feel very special.  Two months later he is telling me to F!@# off, calling me very bad names because I am laughing with my girl friends...He is on steriods and is excessive compulsive....hates his mother...but says he has never loved anyone so quickly as he has with me.  He is really really nice one minute and the next minute he is all dark and mean. I don't know what I have done wrong.  He gets quite upset when I talk or see my girlfriends and my stomache goes into knots if he catches me in the halls with them.  Physically he is all over me...making out in the halls at school in front on the teachers, I am uncomfortable and tell him this, but he continues and keeps going anyway.  I really care for him even though I kind of think it might be wrong.  All of my friends and my family do not trust or like him.  I want to prove them wrong.  He punched the wall the other day and broke his knuckles because he was mad.  He hates all the teachers and they make him mad.  He really wants to get into fight...I tried to break up with him, but he said he would punch out windows and doors and come and show me his broken hands if I did..  And he cries....says he cant live without me.  He says he will quit the steroids, that they are the reason he gets so mean with me.  I beleive him kind of, and want to give him another chance (for the third time)..  Is he abusive?  I really don't think  so.  Could he turn out to be?

Answer
Dear Cindy

It is well documented that steroids cause psychosis and violence in abusers. The next thing he hits may well be you. The swings in his behavior is caused by the steroids and you need to stay away from him until he is off the steroids for at least a year.