Expert: David Simonsen - 11/5/2007

Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 yrs. He is seemingly a low key kind of guy- very quiet...but he has this explosive anger I just cannot ignore. He screams, calls me names, hits me with pillows, throws my stuff around and then locks himself in the bedroom and ignores me until I try and make it better. The cause of most of the arguements comes from me trying to tell him that I feel ignored, rejected sexually, or that he just does not talk to me...all of these feelings I have make him so angry. He says I would never see this anger if I didn't "piss him off" so much and that if I wasn't so insecure he wouldn't be this way.
I am usually the one who has to ignore, or "forget" thsi behaviour to make the situation better- I never have yelled at him, nor do I fight back...infact I go to the bedroom to the bed put the covers over me- yet he will come in and rip the blanket off telling me it is his...I don't know what to think since a day or two later he will hug me, tell me he loves me and that he just wants to forget it and that this nonsense has to stop...what do I do with this?

Answer
Abby,
I suggest you get out of the relationship until he is ready to start changing his behavior. You are not driving him to do this. If he tells you that then it is more manipulative behavior on his part. The question you should be asking is why would you stay in an unstable relationship like this. It can't be because of love because love doesn't have anything to do with this type of behavior.
David
www.help4life.net