Expert: mom1959 - 10/28/2004

Question
Hi!

I am a diabled woman and I am 53, I have beenmarried to an abusive man for 20 years.  He wasn't so bad in the beginning but it has gotten worse to the pont where he has threatned to murder me.  My family won't take me in because they are abusers and neglecters too and I can actually stand his abuse easier than I can stand my own families.

I am trying to avoid him more and more, this was suggested to me by another abuse counselor.  I cannot leave financially and besides it was my families money that helped us get this home so why should I leave I am not the one causing the problems.

His favorite trick is to call the police on me and have me put in psychiatric hospitals.  I put an end to that because when we moved this year  I wrote the police an email and explained he was an abuser and that it was on record with the state and local police where we jused to live.  So I am grateful I no longer have to be put on psychiatric wards because of his lies.  I also tried th elocal abuse shleter and they just let you stay a couple of weeks with very little help and then they put you out on the street.

Once he got drunk and called the police and lied and said I hit him. It was a lie and the police took me away in hand cuffs and I had to spend the nigth injail. I acutally asked the police not to release me because I felt better in jail than I do at home.

We live where it snows alot and his favorite trick is to kick me out in the middle of a blizzard, I have learned to fight him andjust say no that I am not going.  He has a terribly mean and angry and harsh voice.

He has a decent side but he is a very mean spirited man.  He has told everyone around town I am an old whore just because I have had relationships with a few men before I married him.  He threatens me with his fists often.  I find staying away from him as much as I can really helps.

As I said I am diabled and only live on about 700 dollars a month so my options for other living arrangements are not good and the low income apartments around here are full.

Do you have any other tips on living with an abuser besides avoiding them.  Staying aawy from him as much as I can does help.  I was wondering if you knew of anything else I could do to help myself.

Thank you so much for being here and giving  meadvice and help.  I really, really apreciate it.  May God bless you and yours.

Julie


Answer
Your best bet is to get advice from a lawyer.  They
know the laws inside and out and might be able to help you.
There is a website for you www.healthyplace.com
they have articles,chat online,etc.. Good luck and
I hope things turn out for the best for you.