Expert: Azure - 9/17/2007

Question
My daughter's boyfriend just sent her to the emergency room in need of stitches because he threw a cell phone at her.  He is an over reactor and has a very troubled past. He is only 18 and she is 17.  He had been living with us for the past 9 months because his adoptive family was dysfunctional and didn't want him anymore.  I love my daughter more than anything, but I have come to love her boyfriend like a son and this has been devastating to my daughter and I.  My husband has made him move out and he is living with some friends who drink and smoke pot all the time.  He will also do that when he is in that environment, that is why he was living with us in the first place.  He went to jail for a night and it was not a good experience for him.  In court he was offered a plea bargain to reduce the domestic violence charge with 3rd degree assault and he was put on 2 years probation.  He was already on 1 year of unsupervised probation for Minor in Possession (of alcohol), but that didn't weigh in on his plea agreement because it was a different type of charge.  He also now has to pay 50 dollars a month for probation and he has to take 36 weeks of anger management classes at $60 a piece.  He now needs to find a job, he has to quit the alternative schooling program he was in and I suggested that he find a place to live (like an apartment) away from his friends so he won't violate his probation.  He says he will do that but I honestly don't know.  Do people who become violent ever stop? everything I am reading and hearing is that once they start they don't stop and it just gets worse.  Is there any hope that this truly will be a wake up call to him?  Although my husband has made him leave he may come over after one month if he has shown that he is doing the things he needs to do to become independent and drug free.  If he can do that he will be able to come over for dinner or to hang out with our daughter but he  (my husband) says it is ok for her to still go visit him because she had been around his other friends who drink and smoke pot and she has shown that she is not going to partake in that kind of thing. I don't understand that her spending time with him away from our home)but my husband is adamant that he not to come here until the month is over.
I am just confused.  Everyone that sees my daughter's black eye tells us to leave him because he won't stop.
Do they ever stop?

Answer
maybe it's my imagination, but you seem more concerned about the welfare of this sociopath than your daughter; this guy is a physically abusive, out of control problem, probably in need of in patient therapy, and you/your  husband should be making sure that he never goes anywhere near her again; seriously, doesn't your daughter deserve more than this?..stop worrying about him and help your daughter get away from him and hopefully restart her life on a more hopeful path, avoiding people capable of ASSAULT...if you couldn't handle an objective, valid opinion, why bother asking?...totally unfair rating..