Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 12/20/2006

Question
please,
am 24 years and been going out with my guy for 4 years. we met when we were at the university. everything started well  till i went astray one day. i needed money urgently and unmistakenly cheated on him. my guy has never trusted me and is always suspecting me of doing the same thiing again. i promised him i will not but still he is not convinced.he says i should work harder to win his trust back. i love him very much and still thinks it will be in my own good to quit but, is very difficult for me. please advice me.  

Answer
Dear Mercy

This is a difficult situation. Only time will heal this wound. If he loves you, he will eventually forgive you, but you will need to accept the fact he does not trust you and probably does not love you right now. He is afraid and angry that his heart will be broken again. Although it is understandable that he is trying to protect himself by controlling you, that is not healthy for you. You need to draw some boundaries with him with the help of a counselor. I won't say that the relationship can't be repaired, and it will take a great deal of maturity on his part to forgive you. If he can't, you will need to walk away.