Expert: David Simonsen - 11/4/2007

Question
I didn't believe in long distance relationship and neither did my boyfriend but somehow we got ourselves stuck into one. With hard work we have  been nurturing our long distance relationship for over year now and everything seemed great. Only on our last trip he revealed to me that he had cheated on me two weeks before I was coming up to see him. It had been only a one night stand if that but… well it hurts none the less. Both me and him. In the end the same force that would not let me end the relationship due to long distance didn’t let me end it over this. When I told him I still wanted to be with him he got mad at me for being so foolish as to stay with someone like that and mad at himself for being that someone.

I do not want to be the victim. That woman who’s boyfriend cheats on her constantly and says oh this time it will be different, he’ll never do that again.  I use to think “once a cheater always a cheater”  and I would never stay in that kind of relationship but I don’t want to let him go.

Is this that kind of relationship? Is it a good sign that he told me?  Can I still have a healthy relationship with him even after all this has happen?  Or am I disillusioning  myself and should be prepared to cut my losses?


Answer
Maggie,
C'mon maggie there is no "force" keeping you guys together. You want to believe you are decisive and stable, but look at this relationship you are in. Look at the truth of it. It is showing you something about yourself you may not want to look at. You are doing things you say you don't want to do or be. I would say it is time to re-evaluate who you really want to be and be honest with yourself.
David