Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 5/13/2007

Question
I'm basically going to crop this down and only explain the main ideas, but just so you know that there is a lot more here than just the surface.  I was a drill instructor and starting off that put our relationship through the wringer.  My wife was supportive in the beginning but as the duty went on, she wanted me to quit.  She wasn't working and I was a Sergeant with 3 kids.  Her main complaint was the little time I was spending at home.  Every chance I got I raced home to spend time with her but it wasn't enough.  She started asking me to quit, to which I would lose rank and things were already tight financially.  I didn't quit obviously and then she started turning angry towards me.  Throwing my stuff out on the yard, every time we fight take my pictures off the wall, there would be nights I would come home early and she wouldn't say a word to me until around midnight, etc. etc. etc.  That happened for approximately 1 year and a half.  
Stress at work and now stress at home.  I didn't have any friends until I met a female that I worked with.  Needless to say, we can see where this is going.  After the affair and the confession, started going back to church (I think I need to get back into those types of things huh?).  The wife doesn't agree with church and wanted me to stop going.  I said no, and she always threatens of taking the affair to my command and ruining my career.  I've told her as of late of my thoughts of separating and divorce and once again she threatens to take the affair to my chain of command.  In a nutshell what do you think.  I can only imagine after I get out (Aug 07) what is going to be her next strong arm tactic?  Before the affair it was always she was going to leave me and take the kids (4) and I'd never see them again.  She also has told them about how great of a person I am.  the kids know about the affair.  Whenever she gets mad, in front of the kids and everyone she'll say "I'm not the one who screwed another woman".  The kids don't need to hear that whenever mom is mad at dad.  I want to go please let me know.  I know I wasn't the perfect person but now I'm constantly on edge, walking of eggshells, nervous, and actually afraid of my wife.  Thanks for your time.

Answer
Dear Robert

It might be borderline abuse, but what the heck, you committed the unpardonable sin of adultery and she is going to be mad at you for the rest of her life. My advice is to white knuckle it until your discharge, get your benefits, and then divorce her. She will probable turn you in for fraternizing, but the Army probably won't care after you are discharged. Find peace with your higher power and make better decisions who to marry next time, Sarge.