Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 12/8/2006

Question
Straight to the point...My husband is in Iraq...we have been married since may3 and he left may 4th....I had my first grandchild born this weekend...I called him to say that my daughter in law had gone into labor....He said keep me posted and never called back...I called him at 630am my time and 230pm his time...I did not call back but kept my cell phone on....it was a miracle I got thro to him the first time but he can call out anytime without difficulty...
He did not call me back for 15 hours...after he went to bed and came back in to work. The baby was born and I was home in bed...I did not answer when he called because I was so furious...I waited until the next night for him to call so that was a total of the first 15 hours and then 24 hours more to the next call.When he called back at that time I answered and asked" Randy why did you not call back before you went to bed when she was in labor?" I did not do it in a friendly voice or tone and he unleashed on me that I had said I would keep him posted.....
I cant imagine me not calling if he was in the hospital for 15 hours but am I in the wrong...He is filing for a divorce over this and I have been emailed all kinds of ugly language while I have tried to be reasonable...I dont think it was asking too much for him to check on us one time before he went to bed that night but I want someones opinion other than mine

Answer
Dear Kay

You may be right, but you will end up divorced over it. Is that what you want? If you want to stay married, you may have to apologize for getting upset. You can be right or you can be married, but not both, it appears.

I would point out that he is probably highly stressed right now since he is stationed in a war zone and may be killed at any moment. I am sure that he is wanting support and to feel like he has something to come home to. I am not sure that is the message he got when he called home and had the conversation you describe.

On the other hand, it may be a good thing he wants a divorce, if this is how he behaves when you are mad at him. You have to decide whether you want to try to save the marriage or let him go.

Good luck