Expert: David Simonsen - 11/30/2007

Question
I have recently become a grandmother to two beautiful little boys. I babysit them twice a week, for two full days. They are well behaved, as much as little toddler boys can be. My daughter gives me cash for petrol. My problem is that we have been a dysfunctional family, me being sober from alcohol for 10 years, and my daughter for 5 years. I am relaxed and feeling good and proud of myself, grateful for being able the privilege of the grandchildren. I admit I do a "little" advice giving to my daughter, but the kids are absolutely well behaved whilst I have them.
When my daughter comes home, there is nothing but screaming from the kids and her, at me, at the kids, she always wants to talk first, the kids want to talk to her, she whinges about how naughty they are. Actually the main problem is that she wants me to leave as soon as she arrives, and leave them all screaming together. I can calm the kids down, and I believe she should talk to them first, then tell me her problems. She is a very popular salesperson in travel, she is a popular girl, attractive, but me, her mother does not experience it. Everything I say and do is wrong. She speaks to me like I am a piece of dirt. I want her to realise that the kids are listening and copying everything she does and says, and she wonders why the youngest is a whiner, and the older one is apparently deciding to me mute, and goes to TV.
I know the answer will be to get out of her life, let her run her own children, etc etc but what I really want from her is her to be nice to me, so the children will mirror that.
Please help,
Jenny

Answer
Jenny,
You have a couple choices. Stop watching them. Tolerate that bad behavior. Calmly ask your daughter if you and her can come up with an idea on how to do this transition differently. This conversation should happen at a time when you aren't watching the kids. Maybe over coffee or something.
David
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