Expert: Azure - 3/24/2005

Question
I don't even know where to begin. This feels like I have been living through 5 years of hell. My husband and I have been together since we were 15, we immediately had our first child, our second came almost three years later. I was seven months pregnant with our first child the first time he hit me, I was shocked and so hurt but I was stupid and stuck around. From there it went to kicking, punching, pinching, pushing, and so on and so forth. The physical abuse happens about every four months now, it used to be every day. The mental and emotional abuse has been going on since the first hit. Right infront of our children he calls me a slut, trick, dike, his favorite is a hoe. I feel like the only emotion he knows how to express is his anger. We tried counseling with a chaplain from his command (he's in the USMC) for about 2 months and then one day he just said I'm not going anymore and you can't make me. So that was the end of trying. Everyone is shocked when they find out the way he treats me here at the house, he has no shame he'll do it infront of anyone, it is so embarassing. He needs counseling, our chaplain recommended it and so have many other people. I just don't want to leave him , I'm scared, I have never been on my own, I would have to move back with my parents and I don't want my children to lose their father. I want to help him, but I have tried all I know to try.
It has got to the point that I have been turning to other men, I don't want to do that, but I am so lonely, and oh it's so nice to be told I'm beautiful and to be respected. The first time I began talking to other men was in January, I am having a some what steady ongoing relationship with this man, he knows my situation, he knows my husband now. I still care about my husband but I just feel I can't do this anymore. He expects me to take care of the kids by myself and clean the whole house without a hand, there are 5 of us in a 3 bedroom ( his 16 year old brother also lives here). I am expected to do everything, he used to always help pick up, take care of the kids, and cook. Now he says It's my job he doesn't have to do anything and I can't make him. I have talked to his command a couple of times and they sat him down and had a heart to heart with him, because he is a great marine, he wants to be a lifer, so they really care to help him, but it is always temporary.
Our 5 year anniversary was just on the 20th and he forgot, I wasn't mad, a little hurt, but not mad. I had bought him a gift and once I gave it to him I thought maybe he would stop and buy me atleast a card, or even if he just said happy anniversay and gave me a hug & kiss I would have been happy. But, I got nothing, I got the blanket pulled off me and a toy thrown at my face to wake me up from him. Then the rest of the day was like any other, all the name calling, and the complaints of how everything I do is wrong.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome so a lot of days are hard for me to get up just to do simple tasks like feeding the kids , or doing the dishes, things like that. But to him I am lazy, good for nothing.
I just need to know if I should call it quits, I really don't want to, but I am at a lost of what to do. Should I call it quits? Anything advice you have will be great. Thank you.

Answer
i know it's easy for me to say from this distance, but since you're asking for an objective opinion, we both know you should have been out of there long ago, especially considering the reasons you mention for staying, PALE in comparison to those for leaving; this is no longer a marriage; it's more like being held prisoner in a life of quiet desperation; only YOU can determine for yourself, that which is painfully clear on this end..it's no longer a question of getting out, it's figuring the best way to go about it; when you agree there's no other option, we can pursue what to do next; let me know your thoughts...