Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 7/26/2007

Question
my fiancee's friend is 26 years old.."bob"..he hasn't ever really had a girlfriend until about 8 months ago he met "Katie". Bob was a virgin until he became bf/gf with katie (who by the way is as far from virginity as one can be)...he was saving himself till marriage but some how she changed his mind into giving himself up to her....ever since then SHE has been ruining his life. He was going to school to be come an electrician, but his grades have dropped and he is on the verge of dropping out, she wrecked one of his vehicles(firebird) on the interstate b/c she was picking him up from school and was drunk and crashed it into the guard rail. She doesn't have a job and expects him to pay for everything. Since they have been together Bob has racked up quite the criminal record...as far as drug possession, DUI, disorderly conduct, and many more (mind you this has been in the last 8 months)that he is going to have to go to jail for. She won't let bob talk to my fiancee on the phone anymore (he has to get permission from her) and says that bob can't be my fiancee's best man b/c we don't want her psychotic a$$ there. She has already cheated on him. And when he got the nerve to try to break up with her, she made up the story that she was pregnant(Obviously she wasn't), so of course he stayed with her but now ......the most recent crazy thing she did was TOOK his credit card and bought herself an engagement ring with it....He has had to get 4 new credit cards, just so HE can pay the bills and buy her stuff she clearly doesn't need.
CLEARLY this chick is going to ruin his life! we have asked him why he is still with her and he replies that b/c he lost his virginity to her, she has part of his soul....How can we get him to WAKE UP and realize she is going to ruin his life and that she is just using him...

Answer
Dear Sami

All you can do is tell him the truth in a loving way. If he continues on this path of destruction, he is doing so with his own free will. You have to allow him to make mistakes and be his friend when he realizes what he has done, which he will eventually.