Expert: Azure - 10/24/2006

Question
"I am about to complete my MBA degree and had the unfortunate pleasure
of meeting this guy in the program which I'm embarrassed to say I got
sucked into his spell.  Long story short, I dated him a little last
year, and I started noticing odd behavior.  He would call me late at night
to make sure I was home; if I didn't answer the home phone, then my
cell phone would ring and I could get 20 calls in a 1/2 hour time span.  
He didn't like me talking to guys in my study group or class- he always
accused me of seeing them on the side or flirting with them, even
though this is definitely not the case.  He would blow up at the drop of a
dime, and start screaming at me on the phone, calling me a whore, cunt,
fuck you, you name it, he said it.  I stopped dating him last year and
didn't talk with him for a while.  I made the mistake of giving him
another chance by going on a couple dates several months later.  He had
found a great job and better living situation. Long story short again, a
stupid mistake on my part.  The same pattern started to repeat, only
this time I'm trying to get rid of him and yet I still have to see him in
class.  He's on his 9th job in less than two years.  He's on his 6th
phone number in the same time frame.  Last week he spent two nights
calling my house and cell and left 8 messages.  I had both phones off b/c I
need to get some sleep.  Every single message was screaming, telling me
to pick up the fucking phone, telling me I will pay if he finds out the
"secret information" he has on me.  He continued the next day with text
messages.  I told him to stop and he continued to call me worthless,
etc, etc.  The day after that it was as if nothing happened.  He wondered
why I didn't want to go have dinner with him.  He told me I'm
overreacting, it's just a couple of bad words.  He tells me he needs my help for
school because I'm smarter than him - BTW, he has always gotten mad at
me if I don't tell him everything that happened in class, even if he's
there!  He always demands my notes and gets m!
ad if I
tell him to do his own work.  He gets nice with me before a test so
that way he may get my help.  And if my grade is better than his, he has a
really hard time with that.  Even though he has never physically hurt
me, I don't want to be around him when his mind snaps.  He tells me it's
my fault he gets this way and I'm responsible.  I think that's crazy.  
People in my class think he's odd and are concerned for my well-being.  
I've lost a lot of weight this past 1 1/2 years.  I've lost a lot of
sleep b/c of his late night phone calls.  I'm managing my office during
the day and am still managing to go to school full time and get A's; but
I can't stand this anymore.  How can I stop feeling bad for this guy
because he clearly needs help?  It doesn't matter if I'm nice or angry to
him he just won't leave me alone.  What should I do?"

and was asked on 10/24/2006  

Answer
you need to be firmer in setting limits and initiating consequences if they're broken; tell him it's over, and not to contact you further--change phone numbers, email address, if necessary; if he continues to bother you, warn him again he's risking repercussions; if it continues, contact authorities and have him face harassment charges..