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Abusive Relationships/Questions Answered by Expert Eugenia Springer, Ph.D.
| Subject | Date Asked |
| I HURT SO MUCH | 1/24/2012 |
| Q: With pain,agony so strong i prayed for death to take me.I begged for death as agony coarsed through ... A: Okay Tattianna, You have poured your feelings of pain out on paper, so you could confront your ... | |
| previous question | 1/8/2012 |
| Q: This is in response to your response to my critique of your initial response to my question. Did ... A: Erika, I just looked at my responses to letters addressed to me. I am not seeing a letter from you, ... | |
| How to know what is right for me?! | 1/5/2012 |
| Q: I don't even know where to begin...I have always been abused sexually when I was younger and even ... A: Trish, You came into human existence for a reason. And in the problems you are having is the key ... | |
| Scared of my reaction to boyfriend | 12/14/2011 |
| Q: I have been in a relationship for the past two months with someone who is bipolar (or something like ... A: Myojin, Will he eventually stop coming by? It depends on what he is looking for. If he is looking ... | |
| feeling tensed to approach to boy | 12/3/2011 |
| Q: sir, my friend meenakshi has a friend ravi whomshe know since 5 years . he is very good friend and ... A: Sudhir, From what you have said, Meenakshi seems to be a normal, virtuous girl. It is good that she ... | |
| Am I In An Abusive Marriage? | 11/6/2011 |
| Q: I have been married for 2 years and I am extremely unhappy in my marriage. I am thinking about ... A: Alison, To answer your last question first, your husband's physical assault on you, yes, ... | |
| suicidial thought | 10/23/2011 |
| Q: mam i have left my abusive boyfriend . my plb is that he keeps on threatning me that he will kill ... A: Priyanka, Your boyfriend was abusive because you allowed him to take control of you. The power ... | |
| I abused her.... | 10/22/2011 |
| Q: My ex and I have been off and on for years... I never knew what she see's in me, because I've lived ... A: Matt, Your feelings are understandable. You feel guilty, and badly about yourself. And through ... | |
| Lost and hurt and confused | 10/19/2011 |
| Q: Ten months ago, someone came into my life. He appeared a few times, before I even noticed him. I ... A: Michelle, Nothing in your letter suggests that this man ever went beyond verbal communication with ... | |
| Pl Help | 9/25/2011 |
| Q: I have been in a relationship off and on for almost 12yrs now which have left me wondering where do ... A: Diva, I promised to get back to you, and here I am. It seems that there is a mutual attraction ... | |
| I'm stuck with crazy ex-bf | 9/9/2011 |
| Q: ok, i will go straight to the point, ive been in a relationship nearly a year with this guy, at ... A: Cloe, If you hate your life with this man, you don't have to stay with him. You do not belong to ... | |
| My behavior | 5/21/2011 |
| Q: I am in a relationship with a woman that I have met one month ago via email and eventually meeting ... A: James, My apologies for taking so long to respond. I saw your e-mail when it was sent, but could ... | |
| Betrayal of trust by my friend... | 5/16/2011 |
| Q: I recently went through a problem which I'll briefly explain below: One day me and my childhood ... A: Khurram, I see that even though you are upset with Shami, you still realize that what is important ... | |
| is he controlling? | 3/12/2010 |
| Q: I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and we are very serious. We have been ... A: Jamie, Why did you write this letter? Is it to just find out if he is controlling? If that was ... | |
| Father Issues | 3/7/2010 |
| Q: Eugenia, I've got a question about childhood trauma (a most common thing, I guess). Hope you can ... A: Rafael, I am wondering if any of us ever 'just grow up'. It seems that 'growing up' is always the ... | |
| Confusion | 2/28/2010 |
| Q: Hey there. I am in my first year at university, and I've tried to steer clear of relationships for ... A: Abby, Whatever else might be going on, one thing is clear. You have been warned. It is not really ... | |
| how to leave my controlling bf | 2/20/2010 |
| Q: I have been living with my boyfriend for a year. I quit my job at a bar becuase he wanted me too. He ... A: Sharon, If I tell you what to do, then if things do not work out, you could blame me, or whoever ... | |
| Please help! In an abusive relationship and don't kno what to do | 2/2/2010 |
| Q: I'm 22 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. I had known him previously ... A: Angel, Yes, your boyfriend has serious emotional issues; too serious to allow him at this time to ... | |
| etiquette | 1/31/2010 |
| Q: Not a dating question, but I need advice from someone a little more experienced about etiquette. I ... A: Anna, You remained in control of you. That is what life is all about, staying in control of our ... | |
| Frustration with lack of maturity | 1/29/2010 |
| Q: my ex continually sends me demeaning e-mails - most recent subject line "Mother of the Year - ... A: Renee, If your ex is destroying your son, I would think the Social Welfare workers assigned to the ... | |
| Am I controlling | 1/28/2010 |
| Q: I've been in a relationship with my fiance for 6 years. We bought a house together 9 mnths ago and i ... A: Stacy, Self-doubt is part of immaturity. You did not indicate your age. But sometimes, as we ... | |
| abusive relationship | 1/23/2010 |
| Q: im 33 with 3 children i have had an on off relationship with my partner for 18mths. we hav had ... A: Stephanie, I look at the order in which you present information. First, 'I am 33'. Second, 'I ... | |
| Why does he do this to me? | 11/26/2009 |
| Q: I'm 21 and my ex-boyfriend, Dan, is 22. We've been broken up for 4 months now, and we dated for the ... A: Erica, When you are ready to claim your strength and move on, you will. Whatever the payoff you ... | |
| Why does he do this to me? | 11/25/2009 |
| Q: I'm 21 and my ex-boyfriend, Dan, is 22. We've been broken up for 4 months now, and we dated for the ... A: Erica, Accept your feelings. Maybe you do not understand them now, but be patient with yourself. ... | |
| How do I leave? | 11/24/2009 |
| Q: I haven't lost my self-confidence, I'm really quite a strong willed person, I know my self worth is ... A: Morgan, Your dithering has bolstered his self-confidence. The weaker you present yourself, the ... | |
| Why does he do this to me? | 11/23/2009 |
| Q: I'm 21 and my ex-boyfriend, Dan, is 22. We've been broken up for 4 months now, and we dated for the ... A: ...though he's admitted to me it's because he's insecure. with some personal issues and depressed. ... | |
| Hurting friend | 11/18/2009 |
| Q: My best friend is in a abusive relationship. He physically and metal abuses her. She has came to me ... A: Stacy, It is not easy to stand by and watch a loved one make self- defeating decisions. You can ... | |
| new relationship | 11/11/2009 |
| Q: my question is to you: i grew up with an abused father although he would say otherwise,and at the ... A: Dan, I am not clear on who it is you are being guarded with. You said you recently divorced. Are ... | |
| Lacks impulse Control | 11/6/2009 |
| Q: OK Let me start by saying I love my husband and I want our marriage to last a life time. We got ... A: Amy, are you asking if your husband is over-reacting? No, I do not think he is over-reacting. If ... | |
| Control Vs. Oversensitivity | 11/4/2009 |
| Q: I broke up with my boyfriend late last year around the holidays because of the continual emotional ... A: Nicole, What is important here is not this young man's motivation. Obviously, the person you ... | |
| unsure if I am in a potentially dangerous situation | 11/3/2009 |
| Q: He broke up with me at the beginning of September, and since then, has sent me a numerous text ... A: C, This man is evidently out to control your life, and he starts with playing with your mind. The ... | |
| scared of ex | 9/25/2009 |
| Q: i must mark this question private. he knows I visit this website and he knows what to search for. he ... A: A tight, warm hug, and a firm congratulatory handshake. Tonight you summoned the courage to honor ... | |
| abusive boyfriend | 9/17/2009 |
| Q: I am 44 year-old unmarried woman in a relationship with 33 year-old man for last 8 months. We ... A: Serena, You are playing with fire. Yes, loss of face could feel unbearable, but if you do not ... | |
| Please HELP I know i have to get out | 9/7/2009 |
| Q: My name is Leah. I am 22 and a mother of 3. I have been in the same abusive relationship since I was ... A: Leah, You must have been deprived of a nurturing childhood. You had to be if from such an early ... | |
| moving on from a abusive boyfriend | 6/17/2009 |
| Q: Hi I am recently moving on from a abusive boyfriend why do I still feel like I love him and ... A: Life brainwashes us, Kathy. Life has also brainwashed him. But regardless of who or what is ... | |
| Abusive Moment II | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: However, as you stated, I am willing to get help and show that I can change. I know that I cannot ... A: Israel, I can advise you about what I think is best for you, but truth is you have to work from ... | |
| Abusive Moment | 6/6/2009 |
| Q: Good Afternoon - I was wondering how am I able to mend things and fix my relationship? I hit my ... A: Are you underestimating the seriousness of your "assault" on your boyfriend? Any sound thinking, ... | |
| My abusive behaviour | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: How can i stop being abusive to my Partner?i have sent him abusive texts abusive phone calls raged ... A: Vivien, I am glad you are asking for help. You need spiritual healing. Somewhere I read the ... | |
| help to recover | 5/29/2009 |
| Q: I left a 16 year abusive marriage<my ex whom i had aprotective order against spent ayear n jail for ... A: Lon, Go right now to Social Services in your area, ask for protection. It seems a shelter out of ... | |
| verbal abuse | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: my 19 year old son is the abuser is constantly verbally abusive intimidating and frightening to ... A: Sally, This is serious, and frightening. He is out of control, and needs to have limits ... | |
| Can Abuse be Cured | 5/26/2009 |
| Q: I am a young lady that is dating a man twice my size. We went away for the weekend and were having a ... A: Sheba, Interesting that you who suffered abuse as a child, and vowed never to subject yourself to ... | |
| Abuse | 5/20/2009 |
| Q: I wanted to understand how when my relationship started 6 years ago I could see the abuse now I feel ... A: it figures -- what you say. Deep in our soul we know we are important. Self hate comes from some ... | |
| My boyfriend has become a jerk. | 5/12/2009 |
| Q: Me and my bf have been together for over 2 years, its a long-distance relationship. We both are 18 ... A: Jiya, Sorry about the delay in responding to you. I will get back to you within a day. ES Jiya, ... | |
| Should I leave my boyfriend | 5/11/2009 |
| Q: Help! I need to know.... Should I leave my boyfriend? Long story. Thank you for taking the time to ... A: Cherilyn, Why all these complex issues with your relationship with another student? Maybe it is ... | |
| counseling | 5/11/2009 |
| Q: A year ago I was verbally attacked horribly by someone. This person screamed at me at the top of ... A: What you describe is so similar to behavior I saw in a video someone sent me recently at this site. ... | |
| abusive relationship | 5/4/2009 |
| Q: I was going out with this guy for almost 3 yrs and we were doing good till about the last yr of the ... A: Amanda, I don't know how old you are, but there are some issues within you that need to be settled. ... | |
| not willing to be silent bystander | 5/2/2009 |
| Q: I have a question about how to effectively stop a verbal "bully" face-to-face, in the moment. The ... A: Emily, Think of it, whose problem is this? Are you setting up yourself to do battle with your ... | |
| dating two girls with same name | 4/27/2009 |
| Q: Okay I am going to try to keep this as short as possible…..I met Anthony while out one night we got ... A: Natalie, Some people would do whatever it takes to get what they want. Not everyone has ... | |
| Do abusers change? | 4/27/2009 |
| Q: I was with a man for 14 years,we are broke up 4 months now.I had two children when we met,and after ... A: Elizabeth, No matter how abusive a partner might be, once you have invested time and emotions in ... | |
| I'm an abuser | 3/30/2009 |
| Q: Dr. Springer, I have verbally abused my wife, and now we are divorced. We have a child together ... A: Todd, Your honesty is commendable. And the truth of what you have said, "it is not the way I feel ... | |
| feeling trapped | 3/28/2009 |
| Q: I am in an abusive relationship. I,43, live with my daughter Laura, 12, and my partner chris,47. I ... A: Margaret, As cold as it may sound, the truth is that you are responsible for yourself and your ... | |
| not cheating the buddy | 3/27/2009 |
| Q: i am in relation with a girl who is 31 and i am 28 . not for marriage but a close relationship. with ... A: Amir, You sound like a wise soul in a 28 year old's body. Which of the options you are ... | |
| Should I leave my husband? | 3/25/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I got married just over a year ago. We got married fast after only a month of dating ... A: Courtney, With the fullest respect to your phrasing of the question, allow me to rephrase it ... | |
| i dont want our marriage to break down because of uncontrollable anger and misunderstandings. | 3/24/2009 |
| Q: i have been in a inter-racial marriage with my husband for 6 yrs. we support each other and respect ... A: Mena, Your soul is at war within you. Truth and lies are locked in battle. The truth is that you ... | |
| Abusive? Should I go back to him? | 3/23/2009 |
| Q: I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years now and living together for nearly 4 years. I have ... A: Karen, A bit of advice...be kind to yourself, by allowing yourself to feel confused if that is the ... | |
| Not really know what I should do with my rekationship and where it's going | 3/21/2009 |
| Q: I have been married for alittle over a year and the first part of the marriage was great than about ... A: Jacqueline, I don't think it is so much that to him you are doing something wrong, as it is that ... | |
| Abusive? Should I go back to him? | 3/18/2009 |
| Q: I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years now and living together for nearly 4 years. I have ... A: Karen, I read your letter very carefully. Very, very carefully, and I am wondering if what you are ... | |
| How can I heal and move on | 3/17/2009 |
| Q: I am a 47 year-old woman. I have been married for 30 years and have three children; the boys are 25, ... A: Maria, I spent a long time answering you last night, but perhaps stayed too long on the site, so my ... | |
| explosive anger | 3/9/2009 |
| Q: My husband has explosive anger issues. He'll totally flip out over the smallest most insignificant ... A: Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Actually, I read your letter almost immediately after it ... | |
| Is this abuse? | 1/12/2009 |
| Q: I am 38 and have been married for almost 10 years. I am wondering if my husband is verbally abusing ... A: M, You ask if your husband is abusing you, the answer is not a simple, yes. It is not so much that ... | |
| *** What should we do??? *** | 11/15/2008 |
| Q: I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 21. We've been together for over 2 years and are both in college. She's ... A: Damien, the young lady has lots of problems, evidently. But being a boyfriend is not the way to ... | |
| *** What should we do??? *** | 11/13/2008 |
| Q: I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 21. We've been together for over 2 years and are both in college. She's ... A: Damien, Whatever is going on with this girl, obviously she is feeling very insecure. Her moral ... | |
| abusive, narcistic ex husband | 11/13/2008 |
| Q: It is almost 3 years since we have been divorced. He continues to harass me. My lawyer says i need ... A: I would have been better able to advise if I had some concept of the state of social services in ... | |
| Possessive relationship | 11/10/2008 |
| Q: I have co-habitated with a guy for 10 years now. I have 2 children(their father has since passed ... A: Dawn, In reading your message, though realizing you share a child with this man, I kept thinking, ... | |
| is it mental abuse now? | 10/24/2008 |
| Q: I am in a weird situation... My old best friend from grade 2 (we were inseparable) found me on ... A: Lisa, the internet has lots of help for us. Google the term, codependent relationships. Look for ... | |
| is it mental abuse now? | 10/22/2008 |
| Q: I am in a weird situation... My old best friend from grade 2 (we were inseparable) found me on ... A: Lisa, I just read your assessment of my response, then I went back to my response to see why you ... | |
| I still have problems after/because of abusive ex | 10/19/2008 |
| Q: I'm 15 years old and have (what I consider) serious problems with the way that I think. I ... A: Cassandra, I know you have cut out a lot. Adolescence is the time we use the social skills we ... | |
| Really confused | 10/16/2008 |
| Q: I dated a man in the past for about 6 years. We broke up and were apart for almost 4 years but ... A: Susan, I don't know what makes a man do this -- hang around with a person he evidently has feelings ... | |
| Distrust | 10/6/2008 |
| Q: I am 21, he is 22, we've been together 3 and half years, and living together for a year and a half. ... A: Joanna, So since you were 17 you have been looking for love, and putting up with much disrespect. ... | |
| abuse... | 10/1/2008 |
| Q: I have been dating someone for a year now that has shown to be verbally abusive. I feel that if he ... A: Melissa, I want you to hear this: You can change only how you do things. You have no control over ... | |
| my man hit me once, but he used to be kind and loving | 9/23/2008 |
| Q: I live together with my boyfriend for one year. He was seperated from exwife, now going to file ... A: Donna, From a distance it might be easy to say, how could you stay with a man who because he felt ... | |
| Trouble with new girlfriend | 9/22/2008 |
| Q: "Hi, I live in Canada and a few months ago started a long distance relationship with a woman from ... A: See if you find the answer you are looking for, here, John: "I think part of the reason I stay in ... | |
| Should I Trust Him? | 9/21/2008 |
| Q: .. I have been married for 15 years to an abusive man (verbal, mental, emotional & physical). He ... A: First thing to do, Jen, is thank God for the strength you summoned to walk away from the abuse and ... | |
| Trouble with new girlfriend | 9/19/2008 |
| Q: "Hi, I live in Canada and a few months ago started a long distance relationship with a woman from ... A: John, I pause, for several minutes, reflecting. The thing unformed -- the sculptor's block of ... | |
| Lon | 9/12/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years...the last year and a half has been long ... A: Ann, First, I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Earlier efforts to respond did not ... | |
| abuser | 9/10/2008 |
| Q: Is my purse marital property? My husband has been locked up twice for 2nd degree assault against me! ... A: Julie, You are working with someone who is ill. I do not know if there is anything you could do ... | |
| Abuse to daughter | 9/9/2008 |
| Q: I left an emotionally/verbally/psychologically abusive marriage 5 years ago. My exhusband and I ... A: Tricia, So why are you not helping your children. If that is the best your attorney can do, I ... | |
| Looking in the mirror | 9/9/2008 |
| Q: I have been reading many of the past questions people have posed to you. I realize by observation ... A: Susan, Ken Keyes (deceased), in his book, A Conscious Person's Guide to Relationships, says, "As ... | |
| abuser | 9/8/2008 |
| Q: Is my purse marital property? My husband has been locked up twice for 2nd degree assault against me! ... A: Julie, Even in marriage we have boundaries, and partners in a marriage characterized by mutual ... | |
| Last straw? | 9/5/2008 |
| Q: I have been dating and was once engaged to a guy that has done something that now I am put in a ... A: Marcia, no, you are not being ridiculous, just very trusting even in the face of adequate evidence ... | |
| Trust | 9/5/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 2 years has lied to me and cheated on me a number of times. I don't feel secure ... A: You provided the words of wisdom yourself, Joy. Here are those dynamo words: "I need help finding ... | |
| help me please | 9/3/2008 |
| Q: "A man at work put up my privacy fence. I paid him. He took 2 months to do it, leading me on and ... A: Gena, Sorry for taking so long to respond to your first letter. I knew from the time I read your ... | |
| Constant frustration | 9/2/2008 |
| Q: I am dating a man that I have dated off and on for 6 years. He has many really good qualities, and ... A: Joy, In describing this man and the women in his life, you present yourself as a winning candidate ... | |
| abuse | 8/16/2008 |
| Q: "I've been married to my wife for four months. We are part of a religion that encourages arranged ... A: Matt, You are to be complimented for being understanding and empathic towards your wife. This is ... | |
| Abuse | 8/13/2008 |
| Q: I am 51 years. My husband & I have been married for 28 year. Early in our marriage, he was ... A: Karen, Any relationship can work out successfully. Individuals form relationships. What you bring ... | |
| my sister | 8/9/2008 |
| Q: my sister is in an abusive relationship and i want to help her.....i dont know who i can call ... A: Sara, there would be several things I would do if I were feeling how you are feeling. I would be ... | |
| How to tackle the situation | 7/14/2008 |
| Q: I have a tough situation with my father. He is mentally and to some extent physically abusive to my ... A: Anna, abuse can dampen one's energies and zest for living. Why? Because the abused members of the ... | |
| Is he worth it? | 7/12/2008 |
| Q: Tonight he grabbed me by the neck, not playfully. I love him and he is drunk right now, I want to ... A: Fearful or not, you go, Jessica. You go. A grab by the neck is a threat to your safety. You ... | |
| successful working women and husband's jealousy | 7/10/2008 |
| Q: Many women are well educated and career oriented in Saudi Arabia and Arab countries. They use their ... A: Sameera, After reading your question I spent about two hours browsing the Internet for information ... | |
| silent treatment and when to leave | 5/16/2008 |
| Q: I am in a second marriage. My first marriage ended when my husband of twenty years became unfaithful ... A: Jenn, Is this a serious enough form of abuse to end a ten year marriage -- a second marriage? You ... | |
| I am bi-polar and my husband is miserable | 5/10/2008 |
| Q: We are fighting over what toilet paper to buy. It is that stupid and I am probably starting just as ... A: Is 'tweet' really your name #smile#. Life is not easy when you are suffering from a chemical ... | |
| Harassment by ex-husband | 5/9/2008 |
| Q: I married an alcoholic whom, I think may be very narcisstic. He is very selfish and he seperated our ... A: Robin, Are you saying that the courts granted him custody of your daughter, and that you have to be ... | |
| Has the end come? | 5/3/2008 |
| Q: I am a 50 year old woman; mother of three grown children from my first marriage. Three years ago I ... A: Valerie, Unfortunately this is the life these boys' parents have made for them, so, as I am sure ... | |
| Has the end come? | 5/2/2008 |
| Q: I am a 50 year old woman; mother of three grown children from my first marriage. Three years ago I ... A: Valerie, you are right, this is your life, and you deserve to be happy. If you married this man ... | |
| Stuck in my head | 5/1/2008 |
| Q: Reading the other questions has helped remind me of the hardship I put up with and how blind we can ... A: Alissa, The more intense the emotional interlocking of two souls, the deeper the sinking of ... | |
| relationship abuse | 5/1/2008 |
| Q: my boyfriend and i got in to a physical and verbal fight, and i left, he emailed me an apology ... A: Heather, That last statement "or was he not thinking?(like all men don't)", is a generalization. ... | |
| Toxic Relationship | 4/29/2008 |
| Q: I'm a 29-year-old professional and left an abusive/toxic relationship about four months ago. Since ... A: Yes, Juno, I do have a bit of advice for you. I don't know why I hesitate to give it, though. ... | |
| family member | 4/25/2008 |
| Q: I feel like a traitor for doing this, but I don't know what else to do. I can't really talk to ... A: Neither does your sister deserve to be going through this. Abuse does not lighten because the ... | |
| Relationship Problems | 4/23/2008 |
| Q: My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months. We both left or marriages for each other. We ... A: Rod, You are putting yourself at risk for some sort of breakdown. You see the picture clearly, and ... | |
| Hot Men Ugly Women | 4/22/2008 |
| Q: I've noticed something. I've seen that very very sexy men, such as those guys that are typically ... A: Ana, I have an opinion, perhaps not the answer. A man who has been playing around, most likely ... | |
| loving someone who has been abused | 4/22/2008 |
| Q: my fiance was physically abused as a child by her mother and step father, although not sexually, to ... A: Mike, Google the abused personality and you would gain deeper understanding into what is happening ... | |
| Life after the abuse | 4/21/2008 |
| Q: I am writing to you because I can't deal with this any more. I have tried to get over it and some ... A: Mandy, the following story reminds me so much of your story. What you need, Mandy, is spiritual ... | |
| abusive ex-husband | 4/18/2008 |
| Q: I was in an abusive relationship for many years and I have been divorced from this man 4 years and ... A: Tracey, the more we talk, the clearer the understanding. It seems that your ex-husband is ... | |
| abusive relation | 4/16/2008 |
| Q: I have been married for 30 yrs...my husband has abused me physically, verbally & mentally. He has ... A: What your family and friends think of you when you make decisions about your wellbeing is really ... | |
| Unhappy | 4/15/2008 |
| Q: I am currently married and have been for 10 years. My husband and I have two children and have had ... A: Beth, Of course you are unhappy. Who wouldn't be, living with the strain you are under. You say ... | |
| Mental/Emotional Abuse | 4/14/2008 |
| Q: I have been married for 16 years. 2 years ago I had to go through breast cancer treatment. We had ... A: Sage, it has been said that we do not have any experience we do not need. You had been enjoying ... | |
| abusive ex-husband | 4/11/2008 |
| Q: I was in an abusive relationship for many years and I have been divorced from this man 4 years and ... A: Let me respond to your last question, first, Tracey. He will abuse her if she allows it. He seems ... | |
| How do you know? | 4/10/2008 |
| Q: I just have a simple question. How do you know when someone is abusive? A: Eva, Look up the term, codependent. Here is an article I cut and pasted from the website, "Soul ... | |
| emotional abuse/physical | 4/8/2008 |
| Q: I have been in a realationaship w/ a man 10 years younger than me for 2 years. And we have ... A: Monique, you go to the police right away. Do not play with one who threatens. Threatening you is ... | |
| is it love or not | 4/2/2008 |
| Q: I have been married to my husband just over a year now, but whenever he is annoyed/angry at ... A: From what you are saying, Tracy, for your husband, divorce seems to be a ready option for resolution ... | |
| Eugenia Please Help! THANK U!!!! | 4/1/2008 |
| Q: First of all thank you so much for taking in my question. I am under a lot of duress, and issues. My ... A: Priscilla, Your companion evidently has unresolved issues, whether with himself, or with the mother ... | |
| Pease hlep!!!! | 4/1/2008 |
| Q: So I've been with my boy friend for a year and a half now and we seem to always fight about lots of ... A: Codie, When I read your letter I googled, "Tolerating an abusive relationship". I was thinking, ... | |
| I can't make up my mind. | 4/1/2008 |
| Q: Please help me. My boyfriend of 2.5 years completed his graduation from abroad, then came back ... A: Gemi, This was your first relationship, and you, of course, wanted to make it work. You saw him, ... | |
| Bi-Polar Ruined Marriage | 3/31/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Springer: I am a 31yof from an abusive childhood and suffering from bipolar disorder.When my ... A: Sheri, We can live only one moment at a time. Fear would have us anticipate, and feel overwhelmed ... | |
| Am I in an abusive relationship? | 3/29/2008 |
| Q: I have a girlfriend whom I'm with for almost 3 years now. There was a small hint of trouble at the ... A: James, Sorry for the delay in responding. I have been reflecting on this letter, seeking to ... | |
| How to handle abusive boyfriend? | 3/26/2008 |
| Q: we live together in August of 2007 he started getting mentally abusive I remained calm until ... A: Kristina, Are you saying that for seven years you and your boyfriend had a good relationship, and ... | |
| a girl i like is in a bad relation ship | 3/24/2008 |
| Q: well this girl i like is always smiling and blushing when im near her and i think she likes me back ... A: Trevor, What are you saying--is it that you need to know how to have this girl recognize that you ... | |
| Alcoholic Fiance Wants an Enabler | 3/24/2008 |
| Q: I currently live with my 33-year-old fiance. He's a professional man with a MBA and a good job. He ... A: Lynn, Are you being unreasonable by refusing to be an enabler? I think you know the answer to ... | |
| difficult marraige | 3/20/2008 |
| Q: Iam in a confused state of mind and & terribly feeling low and dejected so i kind of need to vent ... A: Puja, From what you say, you have tried to be a good wife. Many of us learned that it is our duty ... | |
| Involved in Abuse, what to do? | 3/17/2008 |
| Q: Eugenia. Here it goes; I finally became part of the abuse physically and verbally. This weekend my ... A: Rather than recommend a book I would suggest that you read up on codependency. Enter "Codependent ... | |
| mentally abusive | 3/11/2008 |
| Q: How do I try to get my husband to understand that the way he talks to the kids and myself and his ... A: Sandra, Once you agree that you have understood him, you tell him, "thank you, for sharing." If he ... | |
| mentally abusive | 3/11/2008 |
| Q: How do I try to get my husband to understand that the way he talks to the kids and myself and his ... A: Sandra, how about changing your response to him. This could be difficult, but instead of reacting ... | |
| abuse | 3/11/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend and i have been dating now for almost a year and a 1/2. I'm 19 and he's 21 and we moved ... A: Alison, I am sorry that you feel so lonely that you felt you had to push yourself on to this young ... | |
| mentally abusive | 3/7/2008 |
| Q: How do I try to get my husband to understand that the way he talks to the kids and myself and his ... A: Sandra, One way you can possibly get your husband to understand that the way he talks to the kids ... | |
| abusive husband | 3/6/2008 |
| Q: I know I am emotionally and mentally abused- the physical abuse started mild and is escalating- I am ... A: Lisa, It helps to talk. As you open up your heart to others, and talk about your burden, you ... | |
| controlling relationship | 3/5/2008 |
| Q: I have been seeing this guy for a year and a half. It started off on the wrong foot. He told me ... A: Oh Amanda, Life! It is a challenge, isn't it? And the challenge is not in the things that happen ... | |
| 6yr marriage with child involved | 3/3/2008 |
| Q: I have been married for 6 yrs. We have been together a total of 13 yrs. My husband turned a complete ... A: Annalisa, Your husband needs help. Emotional abuse is damaging. It can break a person's spirit, ... | |
| possessiveness | 2/29/2008 |
| Q: i am in a terrible relationship. my partner has become a pain in the neck. he stalks me and get ... A: Sarah, It seems to me that you could be in danger. Are you living with this man? Your ... | |
| relationship and money | 2/29/2008 |
| Q: I have been in this relationship for 10 years. During those ten years I have worked full time and ... A: Lee, Sometimes, in cases like yours, I ask myself, what is marriage about, if not about love? And ... | |
| abusive husband | 2/28/2008 |
| Q: I know I am emotionally and mentally abused- the physical abuse started mild and is escalating- I am ... A: Lisa, I have seen your follow-up. As a victim of prolonged abuse, you might say you could still get ... | |
| abusive husband | 2/24/2008 |
| Q: I know I am emotionally and mentally abused- the physical abuse started mild and is escalating- I am ... A: Lisa, Classic case of the abusive relationship. The isolation, attack on your self esteem, the ... | |
| Daughter's unhealthy relationship | 2/22/2008 |
| Q: I really feel that I need to run this situation by someone who is an expert so here goes. Back in ... A: Leslie, Sorry for the delay in responding to you. I had problems with my Internet service. I can ... | |
| hi | 2/21/2008 |
| Q: Please answer what u can as this is a cross and inter disciplinary question. And I don’t expect u to ... A: Call Social Services. They will take care of all your concerns. My heart goes out to the mother, ... | |
| My married friend is being abused | 2/20/2008 |
| Q: My friend and her husband were visiting over the weekend from out of town. They got into a fight ... A: Stacy, Frustration is no excuse for abuse. Your friend could be letting embarrassment keep her ... | |
| Weird? | 2/19/2008 |
| Q: I hope you can help me.I dated this guy about a year back.We dated for only a couple weeks.It kinda ... A: Carni, Your life is still yours. This man might be a nice guy, as a friend. But his approach to ... | |
| datin problems | 2/17/2008 |
| Q: me and this girl like each other.. but were both scared cuz of the guy she is with.. i mean ... he's ... A: Todd, People usually care a whole lot about their intimate relationships. The right thing would be ... | |
| Abusive husband Need help ! | 2/15/2008 |
| Q: Your question was I am writing this mail in the hope probably i get to understand what is going on ... A: Mahdvi, I am so sorry. I saw your original letter back on my site, but did not realize that you had ... | |
| Emotional Abuse | 2/14/2008 |
| Q: I am in a situation where I need some clarity about what I am facing. To keep this short, a person ... A: Vanessa, This older man you care about has a history of being a sexual molester and a spouse ... | |
| staying away from emotionally abusive men | 2/12/2008 |
| Q: Well, to start with, I am 37 years old. I was raised in a "broken" home, there was a NASTY divorce, ... A: Wendy, The payoff is the attention, no matter how trickling or how toxic. The rejected child ... | |
| Confused... | 2/9/2008 |
| Q: My problem is this... I don’t live with my parents,( I’m 23 years old, female) but sometimes I ... A: Jenna, it is obvious that you are bothered by what you think may be your parents' sexual behavior ... | |
| relationship | 2/6/2008 |
| Q: I have been married for 11 years but I believe that I deserve to be loved better than this. My ... A: Angel, of course you want to be in a loving, mutually respecting relationship, and you deserve to ... | |
Abusive Relationships
Answers by Expert:
Eugenia Springer, Ph.D.
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.
Experience
From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey".
After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers.
My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships.
"Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace.
To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at dreugenia.springer@live.com
For a few years I hosted and produced the weekly call-in radio program, Life and Living/Soul to Soul on radio station Power102fm.
Education/Credentials
Certificate in Parenting and Family Life Counseling
Certificate in Dianetics Counseling
Ph.D. in Zoology (specializing in Biochemical Genetics)
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