Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 10/20/2007

Question
I have been with my ex over a year and I left him about 6 months ago.  I fell in love with him and we moved in together and he started changing and lying to me alot.  We would always argue and in front of my 7 year old son.  One day out of no where he slapped me and kicked me.  He would say ugly things to me also when he was mad!!  I finally got tired of his lies and us arguing all the time, so I went in the room and was starting to pack my bags.  He came in there and said where was I going and I told him I was leaving,then he punched me in the eye with his fist like a man!  I was bleeding every where and he started freaking out saying ooh no what have I done to you!!  He cleaned me up and wiped off the  blood and when I went to look at myself in the bath room my eye was swollen shut I couldn't open it all.  The next day of course I had a big black eye and when that happened he told  me to call the cops that he deserved to go to jail, but of course I dint!  The next day I moved out of our apt together and stayed with a friend.  He kept calling me and begging me to come back and give him another chance.  He would come by my work all the time and wait for me and started going by where I stayed trying to get me to talk to him.  Two months went by and I moved 4 hours away to this safe home.  I have been here for 5 months now and he has non-stopped been going to my friends house and family telling them he loves me and crying for me and trying to find out information on where I am.  Then I would call him up and talk to him and he would try and convince me to come back to him and he would never do that again!  I found out 2 weeks ago he is going to state jail for 2 years for violating his probation.  He has wrote letters to my family house and I got them and he states that ever since that day he hit me and I left him his world went down hill.  He says for me to wait for him and he wants to marry me and I'm his soul mate and he is nothing without me and he's sorry for hurting us!! I feel like I'm losing my mind worrying over him and whether to believe him or not?  Please give some advise,because half the time I don't know if I'm coming or going?

Answer
Dear Brandi

How many times will he have to hit you before you realize that he is dangerous and cannot be trusted? For most people, when he lied to you, slapped you and kicked you, they would have protected themselves and gotten away from him. If you go back with him he will put you in a hospital, and then how will you take care of your child? What kind of message are you sending to your child, that being beaten up is Okay?

good luck