Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 6/28/2006

Question
I'm a mess.I need your help.I don't know how to make this short so
I'll put in the highlights.
Met this guy 3 yrs ago on net.
Been a very rocky three years
He would talk to women online, promising marriage and he loved them.
All the time I was engaged to him.
I ran over his cell to stop him from talking to them.
He continued to talk to ex gfriend,calling me psycho.
Eventually he cheated in real life.
3 times.
3 times he begged to come home.
I let him back.
I asked him if he'd leave her alone.
No answer.
I quit my job,moved 1300 miles away from HER to start over.
Until we unpacked I never knew he brought pictures and poems from
her.
That hurt like hell.
He called her
To hear a friendly voice.
He lied.
Until Cingular told me the truth.
An hour they talked.
I moved again.
Always trying to escape the past, put it behind us.
My car was overpacked.
He would take a bus up later.
Found out he was back on net talking to women again promising
marriage and undying love.
I kicked him out.
He faked chest pains.
I took him back.
Life went on. The hurt was always there.
He couldn't open up to me.
Cardboard man.
No emotion.
He called her again from here.
6 times
She told me.
Said he was going back to her.
I was a bytch.
I fed him, drove him everywhere,paid his rent, fed his belly, loved
him.
And I'm a bytch.
He would give me his paychecks
But not very happily.
He pushed me to get a divorce from my husband.
I did.
April 3, this year.
After that, he changed.
Disrespectful of me and my daughters.
They are 15 and 17
He would try to smack my oldest daughters butt
thats strange
We went to therapist
She said to him that he's playing games
passive aggressive
manipulator
He's at the homeless shelter now
I kicked him out
He doesn't care about our feelings
I spent 100.00 on him for race tickets
He couldn't get me anything for my birthday
a 94 cent card
He has no job, because he has seizures, which he has faked in the
past to get my attention
His therapist knows.
He says he can't work to support his 'family'.
Yet he works all day at the shelter to stay there.
He flaunts another woman in my face.
He talks to her in front of me telling her I'm his ride, not Debbie
or my fiance.
All putdowns.
Now he's a staff member at the shelter, he earns 50 bucks a month.
Yipee
He pushed me to get a divorce and now thats all he does.
He gets everything there for free.
Now he's begging to come home.
I've ignored his calls.
My girls hate him.
They've seen the pain.
They've lived it.
I've had no contact in 5 days.
I can really think clearer.
He never hit me.
But I wish he did.
This was worse.
Far worse.
I hurt.
So bad.
Did I do the right thing?
Why does he call saying he loves me?
I still love him.
But it hurts.
Is this abuse?
He twists things around. My brain hurts.

Maybe I'm the abuser.
I said mean things too.
But I was always there for him when he needed me.
But I feel like I'm letting him down if I don't take him back.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!


Answer
Dear Debbie

This is really very simple. He is a predator, you are the prey. Get as far away from him as possible. He does not love you, he only wants to abuse you. You have all of the symptoms of chronic abuse and you can not go back to him and be safe. Think of your daughters' safety, if not your own. His behavior will only get worse.

Good luck.