Expert: Azure - 11/29/2007

Question
hello. my name is susie. i currently turned 20. i have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and 5 months now. at the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend was really nice to me. he would shower me with flowers and small gifts. before my friends and family, he has always been the perfect man. he gets along very well with my parents and my brothers who are usually overprotective of me and my sisters, like him. i always thought he was perfect for me and i even had plans for us to get married once i got out of college in the spring 2009. however, over the last two years he has become very defensive and somewhat aggressive. the first time that he hurt me was when he was drunk and he hurt my wrists because he was holding too hard. i told him that i did not want anything to do with him anymore because i did not want him to hurt me again. he promised that he would not do it again and so i believed him and gave him a second chance. he has not changed. whenever we have confrontations, he always uses force to some extent to try to stop me from leaving from the situation(i usually try to leave because i want to escape the situation and clear my mind). he says its my fault that we fight because i over exaggerate and that i should look at what i do that starts the argument in the first place. i have to admit that sometimes i do get really angry because i get tired of him wanting to hurt me and so last time i actually slapped him. he got really aggravated and told me that if i did it again he would hurt me. i do not know what to do. i want to leave him because i know i am not happy with him anymore. it is really difficult, though, because i have been with him for such a long time. he was the first man in my life, actually my first boyfriend ever since i was 16, and so i don't know how to leave him. every time i have tried he always comes back to me and tells me how sorry he is about everything, how he will change, and how he loves me and doesn't want to leave me. i am very confused. i care about him, but i do not think i love him anymore. what do you suggest is the best way to leave him?? i want to, but i do not know how to do it. i really need your help.

Answer
any guy who physically abuses you, or threatens to, even just once, should be arrested, and eliminated from your life; you tell him it's over, that if he comes near you you'll tell the police about his actions/threats of the past, and you cease all communication; don't waste any more of your life with this sociopath...